Saturday, January 24, 2009

Mom's Ashes

Mom's Ashes

About two weeks ago, we (Galya and I) took my Mom's ashes down to San Diego.  I'd promised my Mom that I'd take them down to my brother's grave after she died.  My Mom died almost six years ago, so it was about time.  It was a pretty good experience, with no tears (from me, anyway).

I have nothing touching to write, either.  I just want to state the facts.

My brother was a baby when he died, four years before I was even born, so the biggest thing for me was really taking care of the mom part. I'm not the "ashes on the mantle" or the sentimental on "resting places" type, but it's nice to have in a more final resting place instead of that plastic box in the red velvet bag.

This problem could have long ago been solved by a short car trip, but I kept putting it off.  In the meantime, I didn't really know where to keep her, so finding a respectful place around the house that wasn't creepy was tough (*cough*garage*cough*).

I know, I know. The garage seems like the perfect place for her, but it wasn't.  I'd put the box in a high cupboard, but I always needed other things from that cupboard it seemed ("Hi, Mom!".  Inside another box of things that I'd never use again?  Turns out I did need those crystal candy bowls ("Hey, Mom").

For the longest time, there was an air hockey table that got quite a lot of use, and the puck always seemed to find her box (it was on a shelf, behind some boxes of old pictures and slides) with a resounding and unusual thunk.  It wasn't uncommon for me to toss out the little quip of "Hey, don't hit my mom!" to throw off the competition and take that final point for the win!

That Mom and I make a good air hockey team was no reason to hang onto the past.  Plus, the past can't be the past while the "past" is still hanging around the present.  So, I added the San Diego trip to my calendar and then rolled it week to week for about five years.  I'm such a good son, huh?  At least Outlook and I never forgot...

Finally, Gal offered to go down there with me while she was here.  A few weeks later, we found ourselves down in San Diego, only slightly lost and slightly late, but there at the Cemetery.

My father was in the Army back in 1964, so my brother is buried at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery.  Like the other National Cemeteries I've seen, it's beautiful, with row after row of white headstones.  We got down there pretty late -- around sunset -- so it was pretty dark and cold.  It took a long time, lots of walking, and lots of shivering to find the spot where my brother is buried. 


I didn't cry, and I still feel weird about it.  But, my mom died a long time ago, and Gal reminded me that I'd put her to rest years ago.  True, we'd had a funeral and a memorial with her friends in Montana, years ago.

But, here I was, and I thought it would be hard once I got there.  But, it wasn't hard at all.  It was quiet and calm.  It was weird to see my brother's name there, carved into the headstone.  Anthony Robert Denzel.  I'd never been there before and even though I knew the name, I never really thought about it.  My son's name is Anthony.  My grandfathers' names were Anton and Robert on my Dad's and Mom's side, respectively.  I knew all that, but it was still quite a moment.

I took the ashes out of my backpack, kneeled, and spread them out.  I felt like I should say something, but I had nothing, so I just stayed there, kneeling, "deep in thought" for a minute.  Soon, I got up without saying anything, and we walked back to the car.

On the way back, I crumpled the bag that had contained the ashes.  "What do I do with this?' holding the bag up.  "It's not totally empty."  It seemed wrong to throw it away like that.

"We're going to rinse it in the ocean," Gal said, reminding me of our discussion from the drive down.  I had forgotten.  That was a good solution, although it means another trip...  It was already dark and we weren't near the beach. 

In the meantime, where to keep the bag?  In the garage, I guess.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Got the weight of the world...

Got the weight of the world...

It only feels like that.  What weight do I really have? 

I've been out of touch for a while, since a girlfriend visiting from Bulgaria, on a firmly defined timeframe before she leaves, tends to really highlight what's important: Time.  ...and at that, it still wasn't enough time.

So, I do have a long list of things to write about, but I don't have it in me to write any of them yet. 

Soon...

Until then, I give you these video clips.

The Counting Crows and "Sullivan Street." One of my favorite songs.

Adam Duritz wrote it about a girl. I like songs like that.





Spoon and "I Summon You." It's about a girl, too.



"I summon you here my love"

'nuf said.

If it's not obvious, said girlfriend left for Bulgaria for a bit.  She'll be back.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Free Lunch?

I'm eating two Big Macs and a large Diet Coke. In the booth next to me, there's another man eating two Big Macs and a large soda. I'm 6'1", 185lbs, and 7-9% body fat. He's my height, fat, and about 100lbs heavier than me.

I know what I think of him. But what's he think of me? Bet he doesn't know that I pulled out the middle buns and sauce, or that it's a diet drink, or that this is my first meal of the day, or that I'm working out later, or that I'm only having one more meal today.

Bet he thinks I'm that guy who's just like him, but can eat anything and stay lean. Only that guy doesn't exist.

There's no free lunch, especially when it's served with special sauce.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Blog Tag

Weeks ago, both Michael and Hal tagged me in the blog version of the chain letter, where we get to share seven things and share the pain with seven more bloggers.

The Rules:
  • Link back to the person  who tagged you
  • Share 7 random or weird facts about yourself
  • Tag 7 people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs
  • Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog
1.  So far, I haven't been able to tell the difference between good, great, and what I would think are probably barely passable wines.  Set it in front of me and I'll like it, though.  Pick any wine that you like.  And if I ever show up with something impressive, rest assured that I either asked my friend Dave at Trader Joe's which one to buy or picked the bottle at CostCo with the highest number.  If those aren't possible, then must have googled from my phone.


2.  Most of my best friends are chicks.  They don't have to be the super girly kind, but they better kick ass, have attitude and some balls or they're out.  Then, they can be girly.

And on the other hand, if you're a guy who's my friend, you're probably gay.  You just don't want to admit it...   I kid...  I like guys as friends, but I have a hard time with the standard guy -- unlike many of them I don't hoot at women as I'm driving down the road, sports bore me, I've never Dutch-ovened anyone, and the question of whether to shave down there or not is something I keep to myself.


3.  I have sometimes abused my "cooking powers" to get girls.  Most people associate food, touch, pleasure, scents, tastes, sex, and love with one another.  They are linked, so when I talk about food in a certain way, you (assuming you're a girl) probably know what I'm really talking about, but maybe not...  But then maybe you talk back without slapping my face, and pretty soon it's too late; I'm in!  It seems devious or sneaky, but then I remind myself that even girls suggested that I use it to my advantage.  So I'm good with it.  Everyone has an approach or a line, right?  Mine is food.  It feels like it's The Force, sometimes.  Which side of The Force?  That's up to the girl.


4. I'm a big fan of perfume.  On me and on others.  I hate when it's too much, so I only wear a little, so it stays very close.  Usually, only I can smell it.  I don't abuse the perfume thing.  Like I said, I keep it close.  If you can smell it, it's probably too late.


5. I know practically nothing about music and end up in musical ruts all the time.  Classical and jazz are wonderful background music, and that's all.

I rely on those around me to introduce me to new music.  Even then, I find one song at a time that I like, and the rest of the CD never gets heard more than a couple of times.  The last two new CDs that I bought and actually like to listen to?  Spoon's Ga Ga Ga (etc etc) and Tristan Prettyman's Twentythree.  The former from hearing a clip on JP's forum, the later because I thought she was cute on the cover as I was walking through Tower Records.  Yes, it sounds like elements to a truly solid system, but it sometimes fails me.  I have tried both methods again, and failed miserably multiple times.

I did just get a bunch of songs from The Killers.  I'm wondering if I like them because the guy really can't sing, rather than despite that fact.  Seriously, check out the live stuff on youtube.  *shudder*


6.  I'm a horrible photographer, despite the years of classes.  I recently went through my old portfolios, looking for the good ones.  I wonder what happened to them?  Someone replaced them with crappy ones behind my back.  This is why you see few pics here.  I'm okay with snapshots, but my digital camera is so huge (and not all that great, anyway), so I don't like to carry it around.  Another reason you see few pics here.


7.  When I was 13, I woke up with a crippling pain in my left side.  I had a fever.  I could barely stand up.  My mother took me to the doctor, where the nurse and doctor thought it must be appendicitis, so they got me into an exam room very quickly.  I waited about five minutes, and then the pain was suddenly gone and the fever was down.  There must be a specific feeling to your abdomen when you have appendicitis, and the doctor couldn't find it, so after 30 minutes, I went home.

We got home, and stepfather #1 was home from work and lying on the couch.  He had the same symptoms, and my mom thought it must be some sort of food poisoning from last night's dinner.  My stepdad tried to wait it out, but a few hours later, my mom took him to the doctor, too.  Two hours later, she called me from the hospital, where he was having emergency surgery for his appendicitis.

Maybe it was just a coincidence, but I do have other (if less interesting) coincidences like this a few times a year.


There, that's all I got.  My seven tagged peeps are below, but just be be clear, if it's not your thing, don't sweat it.  Nothing bad will happen if you don't play along.  There's no bad luck associated with this chain letter.

My birthday twin, shy one year, Julie just needs a reason to blog more.  Just a little more.  Just this one time, at least. My Slice Of Heaven On Earth

Sheila - Tons of common sense at Live Well 360°, but we could use a few more details or scandals between the common sense and good recipes.

Aoife - Her blog name indicates boredom...  So, this can give her something new to alleviate it. 

Galya - She's got two.  One's total gibberish and unreadable here in civilization.  ...and the 2nd is in Bulgarian.

Andrea @ Duke City Food - My brother lives in Albuquerque, I've had friends there, and I love the place.  I like the reviews because they have a ton of personality and make you want to go and share the same experience.  BECAUSE, eating out isn't just about the food, or even a beautiful atmosphere, sometimes it's about the experience and the emotions and rituals.  If you don't get that, then you just don't, and a hot dog from a cart, or a diner cup of coffee will never be a joy to you, and that's sad, even though you're looking down on me right now for even thinking that I'm looking down on you, only I'm not, I pity you.  :D  Not really.  But, just a little?  Naw, you're good.

Ben @ No Magic Pill - Now Ben, just to be clear, it's not seven hundred things and it can't be seventy links, either.  ;)  Seven things.  Period.

Joe @ Morning Cup of Joe - Joe's got these videos with blood and stuff.  His blood, of course.  He's a big, bad powerlifter, with a capital P.  So that's Powerlifter.  But, he's also a motivational guy, like Tony Robbins with blood and a hugely strong posterior chain.  He's funny and smart.  Smart and pretty.  What more can you ask from a fitness blogger who has good common sense?
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