Thursday, August 21, 2008

You know what would be good?

A fried bologna sandwich.  The Oscar Mayer stuff.  Nothing fancy.  The bologna should be cut through the skin so they fry into Xs.  That way they don't curl up on you.  Mayo and white bread is essential.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Put Down the Bad Donut!

I ate an old fashioned donut today.  It was calling to me for an hour.  I calculated the calories and figured I'd fit it in.  The problem is that it was not very good and I ate it anyway.

I have this problem a lot.  It's not that the donut was bad, it just wasn't glazed.  Therefore, it just wasn't worth 200+ calories of my mere 1801 calories allowed today.  Why didn't I toss it?  Because it was sort of good.

I didn't even pay for the thing, so it's not the "wasting money" thing.  Besides, I'm a firm believer in leaving Disneyland if you're not having fun, having got your money's worth or not.  Staying and playing in misery doesn't make the spent money return, so cut your losses.

Food is another story.  Lack of willpower is the deal.  But, how to overcome this lack?  Ideas?  Success stories?  

Oh...  Why do plain old fashioned donuts even exist.  It's glazed or nothing, baby!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Mediterranean Sliders

Sliders have been popular lately.  Here's the gyro twist on them.

A healthy eating note, since "how are sliders supposed to be healthy?"  There's nothing in these sliders that's unhealthy. If you eat these and get fat (or stay fat), then you're eating too many of them OR eating them and something else that's pushing you over your limit.  That's the general problem in the world, too much food.  So, my suggestion is to have a salad, not fries, go light on the dressing and keep your calories under control.  Enjoy the sliders and make them work with you, not against you.

Even my kids will eat these, as long as they don't have to eat the tzatziki.  They are just burgers to them.

Oh, here's my tip on pressing burger patties, taken from years of my burger pressing experience at Farrell's Ice Cream Parlour and Restaurant.  First, press them into something, don't pat them into a patty between your hands.  You can't get them thin and firm enough like that.  Find and save some jar lids of various sizes.  The perfect burger patty typically starts off bigger than the bun it's going to be served on.  The lid from a two lb tub of protein powder might make a good lid to press a 1/4 lbs burger.  A mayo or large mouthed pasta sauce jar lid might work perfectly for these sliders.  I have a collection of sizes.

Once you have the lid, you need a plastic bag, piece of wax paper, foil, or plastic wrap for a liner.  Lay the liner on the empty lid, set the ball on the liner, then press.  Use the liner to remove the perfect patty.


Mediterranean Sliders

Serves 4 (8 sliders)

tzatziki (recipe below, go and make it now)
8 rolls (whole grain, whole wheat rolls.  parker house rolls, for instance)
8 slices of tomato
½ lbs lean ground beef
½ lbs lean ground lamb
1 clove garlic, minced or pressed
2 tbsp paprika
1 tbsp ground cumin
1 tsp dried oregano, rubbed between palms
1 tsp salt
fresh ground pepper
thinly sliced onion (optional)

Mix all ingredients from beef to ground pepper together in a large bowl.  Roll meat into 8 balls, then press them into thin patties. Cook the patties over medium high heat (or grill them) until done.

While the patties are cooking, warm the buns, if you like.  Spread each bun with some tzatziki, top with a patty, tomato, and onion (if desired).


Tzatziki
½ cucumber, shredded or finely chopped
1-5 cloves minced or pressed garlic (optional)
1 cup Greek yogurt
½ tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1½ tsp lemon juice
salt to taste

Sprinkle shredded or chopped cucumber liberally with salt and stir.  Put cucumber in a colander to drain for 10 minutes.  After 10 minutes, squeeze out excess water with your hands.

Stir yogurt, olive oil, and lemon juice together so that it's well combined.  Stir in cucumber and mix well.  Salt to taste.






Saturday, August 9, 2008

Serendipity: What a Stupid Movie

Serendipity. Why do I keep watching it?

It reminds me of that joke about the priest...

God Will Save Me

A big storm approaches. The weatherman urges everyone to get out of town. The priest says, "I won't worry, God will save me".
The morning of the storm, the police go through the neighborhood with a sound truck telling everyone to evacuate. The priest says "I won't worry, God will save me".
The storm drains back up and there is an inch of water standing in the street. A fire truck comes by to pick up the priest. He tells them "Don't worry, God will save me."
The water rises another foot. A National Guard truck comes by to rescue the priest. He tells them "Don't worry, God will save me."
The water rises some more. The priest is forced up to his roof. A boat comes by to rescue the priest. He tells them "Don't worry, God will save me."
The water rises higher. The priest is forced up to the very top of his roof. A helicopter comes to rescue the priest. He shouts up at them "Don't worry, God will save me."
The water rises above his house, and the priest drowns.
When he gets up to heaven he says to God "I've been your faithful servant ever since I was born! Why didn't you save me?"
God replies "First I sent you a fire truck, then the national guard, then a boat, and then a helicopter. What more do you want from me!!??" 

Back to the movie...  If fate brings two people together, cool. If two people deliberately temp fate, then they are stupid and they are destined to be miserable.

Don't rely on a used bookstore or Craig's List.  Tip:  Take it from these two and at the very least, agree to meet somewhere specific in a certain date.

Despite that huge flaw in the movie, I watched it.  Kate Beckinsale.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Pretty Girl Question #147

If a girl's got a tag sticking out, is she still pretty?

Maybe I should change the title of these to "Petty Girl Question." As in "I'm shallow and petty and here's my question."

Sunday, August 3, 2008

One more song. Fat Old Sun

Beautiful day out here in So Cal. I love this song. The video does nothing but change color, so hit play, minimize, and go about your browsing. Or, scroll down and read the flight attendant/black velvet ribbon story, below.

If it's a beautiful day where you are, log off and get outside.



I'm sometimes torn on which youtube version to post. This one is not quite interesting enough to watch. Who wants to watch guys frolic? Not me. Why not have girls playing around? That's just me, but even a gay friend once told me that even for himself, women were good to look at because they were "artistically complete," and that guys are just good to lust after. I think he's half right--girls are good to look at.

I don't know how girls feel, though. A big part of me thinks that even girls would rather watch girls playing around in wheat fields. Am I wrong?



Last one. Same song. Alternate version. I wish the quality was better, but it's all we've got.

I love alternate versions. Not live versions so much, but alternate studio versions, really put together acoustic versions of an electric songs, or the occasional live one that really nails it.

This one comes from some BBC archive. They've got everything that's cool, huh?



At this point, I stop. If you love this song by now, checkout youtube for some other live sets. There's even a David Gilmour live version from recently. It's a great version, and it fits really well with his latest solo work, which is a return to the mellow and more uplifting roots of early Pink Floyd, sans psychodelic drugs.

The Black Velvet Ribbon

I never speak to people on the plane.  I'm always between some guy who smells like feet and that lady who wants to talk about Stampin' Up! or Creative Memories.  But, this last time, I got Mr. Rock Star and a group of 30 year old moms on their first trip away since having kids.  Thank God they were all fun.

I noticed our flight attendant was wearing a thin black velvet ribbon around her neck.  She was tall and thin, with a graceful neck.  The ribbon stood out.

I chuckled without being able to help it.  Rock Star wanted to know what was so funny.  I pointed out the ribbon, and reminded him of a "horror story" from my youth.  He laughed, too.  30 Year Old Mom wanted to know what was up.  I told her, too.  She said I was mean.  But, she told her friends.  They all laughed and the peer pressure turned her to my side.  Excellent.

The flight attendant was headed our way.

"Fasten your seatbelts," she told us (well, me), "we can't pull away from the gate until everyone is ready."

Scolded, we settled into our seats and prepared for takeoff.  A few giggles continued from my new friends as our flight attendant continued back up the aisle.  I had to raise my voice a bit to make myself heard over the roar of the jet engines, but I continued to relate the story to the people around me...

She was beautiful in a strange, mysterious way. Her hair and her deep bottomless eyes were as black as the velvet ribbon around her neck. He planned to ask her for a cup of coffee after the "fasten seat belt" sign was once again turned off.  At 10,000 feet, the pilot allowed us to move around the cabin, which meant "beverage service" would soon begin... 

He watched her walked towards him up the long aisle. She was dressed in a white uniform blouse, black pants, and pushed a white cart of complementary snacks. Even her face was ivory white. But below it, around the ivory neck, was the black velvet ribbon. He remembered staring at that ribbon as he boarded the plane, struggling to look backward as he was ushered through the front of the plane, on his way to poor man's first class: the exit row aisle seat.

He was not the only one who's eyes were drawn to the black velvet ribbon.  He remembered the curious and shocked looks on the faces of the other passengers.  But then his eyes met hers, and he was drowning in their bottomless darkness.

He didn't think of the velvet ribbon during the rest of his flight. She provided wonderful service, and if people thought she was a bit strange, they kept that to themselves.  During the flight, she took several opportunities to chat; during one such chat, he learned that she had an overnight stay in my destination.  They agreed to meet for dinner, later that night.

That night, when she arrived, she was as mysteriously beautiful as before, elegantly dressed in deep blue and black, but with the ribbon still there, still circling her lovely neck.

"You look stunning, So different out of uniform.  I recognized you by that beautiful ribbon.  It's a good thing you didn't take it off.  Or, maybe you never take it off?" he asked, hoping his question was a needless one.

"You'll be sorry if I do," she answered coyly and with a slight smirk, "so I won't."

Her answer intrigued him, but he did not question her further. It was the first date, there was plenty of time for her to change her ways

Their life together fell into a pleasant pattern. They were happy, as most new couples are. He found her to be a perfect girlfriend... well, nearly perfect. Although she had a great number of outfits and wore a different one whenever was in town, she never changed the black velvet ribbon. This ribbon was her trademark.  But eventually it became the test of their relationship. When he looked at her, his eyes would always fall to her neck. When he kissed her, he could feel the ribbon tightening around his own throat.

"Won't you please take that ribbon from around your neck?" he asked her time and time again.

"You'll be sorry if I do, so I won't." This was always her answer. At first it teased him. Then it began to grate on his nerves. Now it was beginning to infuriate him.

"You'll be sorry if I do."

"You'll be sorry if I do."

One day he tried to pull the ribbon off after she had repeated her answer, like a mechanical doll. It wouldn't come loose from her neck. He realized then, for the first time, that the ribbon had no beginning and no end. It circled her neck like a band of steel. He had drawn back from her in disgust that day. Things weren't the same with them after that.  When he drove her to the airport, they rode in silence.  He sat at the white curb, staring silently into space, until airport security ushered him along.

Her first morning back, at the breakfast table, the black ribbon seemed to mock him as he drank his suddenly bitter coffee. In the afternoon, outside, the ribbon made a funeral out of the sunlight. But it was at night when it bothered him the most. He knew he could live with it no longer.

"Either take that ribbon off, or I will," he said one night to his girlfriend of only four weeks.

"You'll be sorry if I do, so I won't." She smiled at him, and then fell off to sleep.

But he did not sleep. He lay there, staring at the hated ribbon. He had meant what he said. If she would not take off the ribbon, he would.

As she lay sleeping and unsuspecting, he crept out of bed and over to the dresser drawer. He had seen a pair of scissors in there. It was small enough, he knew, to slip between the velvet ribbon and her soft neck. Gripping the scissors in his trembling hands, he walked softly back to the bed. He came up to where she lay and stood over her. Her head was thrown back on the pillow, and her throat with the black velvet ribbon around it rose ever so slightly with her breathing.

He bent down, and with one swift movement, he forced the thin blade of the scissors under the ribbon. Then with a quick, triumphant snip, he severed the ribbon that had come between them.

The black velvet ribbon fell away from her neck....her head rolled off the bed and landed on the floor with a thump. She was muttering, "You'll be sorry, you'll be sorry......."

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Green is the Colour

Tune out the weird, digitized video and enjoy one of the more beautiful Pink Floyd songs.

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