Dear friends,
It used to feel so strange to say that, but you are my friends, even the many who I've never actually met. Even five years ago, it was a little awkward to tell your family or a local friend about a friend who's only relationship with you is online. I'm sure many of you reading this are right there with me.
I've met many of you over the years at airport layovers, hotel lobby bars, and even at the local gym down the street from your hotel. Amazingly, things go smoothly from minute one. I once picked up my friend Jim on the way to train at Yahoo! Park in Santa Monica. I drove into the hotel circle, Jim hopped in, we hit the park with a group of friends and continued to hit it off for the rest of the day, despite never having even spoken to one another before!
These times of forums, Facebook, blogs, and Skype are powerful for bringing us together, but it's still even better when you have the chance to meet face to face. ...and opportunity is coming!
I know many of you from the fitness and nutrition discussions at JPFitness.com, so it should come as no big surprise when I suggest that you, like me, try VERY hard to attend this year's Fitness Summit! This is something like the 8th or 9th annual get-together, and promises to be the best yet. I've been to three of them, and each one has been a blast, in addition to the learning experience.
Whether you are a fitness guru or fanatic or just interested in being healthier while you live your real life, this is the long weekend event to attend. This will prove to be a great time of friends getting together to learn, eat, play, and get to know each other even better. As great as knowing each of you online is, I would absolutely love to know you all in person, too!
Please come!
The web site almost speaks for itself, but feel free to ask me via email (rdenzel@gmail.com) or Facebook (facebook.com/rolanddenzel) or on the JPFitness Forum or even it's own Facebook page, where you can get a good feel for how these things go!
I hope to see you all there!
Roland
Showing posts with label Life.... Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life.... Show all posts
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
it's never long enough
It's been a whirlwind week, full of fun, family, friends, love, wedding, and marriage. Somewhere, there are a million thoughts I want to put down, a million feelings I want to share, and a million pictures yet to be found.
One day. One day... well one day will never fully happen, because this life gives us so much new joy each day that taking the time to list it all can never allow us to catch up. That's really my one area of sadness here; that there's something that I need to get out that I'll miss or simply gloss over.
My new wife of one week and two days (Married just March 12th, 2011) is a joy to me, and I spend more time laughing and trading ideas with her than any friend before. As a result, my list of blog ideas runs longer and longer, waiting and aching for a day when I can finally use them all. I just hope that my cryptic notes are still understandable when I get back to them.
In addition to all that "stuff,: I've had requests. Requests which seem simple, but still take some work. These things are coming:
In addition, Galya and I stayed at an amazing little desert inn/bed and breakfast that was just beautiful, serene, and relaxing.
Full review of Hacienda Hot Springs Inn to follow (probably), but you can see a bit of it at Gal's place.
Off to work!
One day. One day... well one day will never fully happen, because this life gives us so much new joy each day that taking the time to list it all can never allow us to catch up. That's really my one area of sadness here; that there's something that I need to get out that I'll miss or simply gloss over.
My new wife of one week and two days (Married just March 12th, 2011) is a joy to me, and I spend more time laughing and trading ideas with her than any friend before. As a result, my list of blog ideas runs longer and longer, waiting and aching for a day when I can finally use them all. I just hope that my cryptic notes are still understandable when I get back to them.
In addition to all that "stuff,: I've had requests. Requests which seem simple, but still take some work. These things are coming:
- my carnitas recipe (for the carnitas served at the wedding reception)
- my cheesecake recipe (the top two tiers of which were delicious...)
- wedding pictures (must remember my external harddrive today!)
In addition, Galya and I stayed at an amazing little desert inn/bed and breakfast that was just beautiful, serene, and relaxing.
Full review of Hacienda Hot Springs Inn to follow (probably), but you can see a bit of it at Gal's place.
Off to work!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
My favorite movies for Christmas
As soon as we were home from our Thanksgiving visit to my Sister's, my kids and I found Elf on television! I loved how Elf and Will Farrell helped to kick off Christmas movie season for me this year, and it has inspired me to make a list of some of my favorites, starting with...
I had my doubts about this one, but two years back, my kids finally sat me down to watch it. I'm glad I did. It's sooooo funny. An all star cast, all great!
From imdb
After inadvertently wreaking havoc on the elf community due to his ungainly size, a man raised as an elf at the North Pole is sent to the U.S. in search of his true identity.
Hilarity ensues. Buddy, the man-elf in question, is new to New York and it's people...
As a side note, my daughter and her friends always point out signs where they see "World's Best _______," and joke that they should go inside to congratulate them on their World's Best Bagel! ...or donut. ...or pastrami.
You will love Buddy the elf.
The list
Not in any particular order, and certainly never ending, I bring you some of my favorite Christmas movies.
Love Actually
From imdb.com (The Internet Movie Database)
Follows the lives of eight very different couples in dealing with their love lives in various loosely and interrelated tales all set during a frantic month before Christmas in London, England.A romantic multi-sub-plot movie where the scenes are lightly interwoven, Love Actually is by Richard Curtis, of Bridget Jones, Notting Hill, and Four Weddings and a Funeral fame. I love this guy's movies, but I love the chick flick thing, too. If you don't, skip down.
Here's the best song in the movie. Billy Mack, take it away!
There's an entire music video for the song, but it's no longer available online in a nice format. Here's a low rez clip for a bit of the flavor.
A Christmas Story
 |
| Triple Dog Dared... |
"You'll shoot your eye out!" -- virtually every adult in the movie
This seems to be on everyone's list of favorites, with good reason. A great story of boyhood centered around Ralphie's Christmas, back in the 40s.
Trading Places is about wwo callus billionaire brothers manipulating and reversing the roles of a wall street commodities broker (Aykroyd) and a street hustler (Murphy), right smack dab in the middle of the holiday season. Hilarity and revenge ensue.
It's a Wonderful Life
Despite the fact that it's a classic and appears on everyone's list, it is good. Not as good as you'd hope, but it's good enough. It's got a good message, if you can make it to the end (it's a little long).
It's got the innocence (and bad acting) of all those old movies. Gotta love it!
From imdb
On Christmas Eve during world War I, the Germans, French, and Scottish fraternize and get to know the men who live on the opposite side of a brutal war, in what became a true lesson of humanity.
The best thing and worst thing about this movie, is that the story of this Christmas Truce is a true one.
Not exactly a movie, but you can get it on DVD! The Jim Carrey Grinch is good, too, but this one is worth the watch. It's on tv every season, but if you miss it, buy it and watch it every year.
Christmas Vacation
A sequel that's as good as the original, if not better.
I recently heard Chevy Chase interviewed, and he said that Christmas Vacation was the film he's asked about most often, and I can see why. This movie gets better and better every year.
What's on your list?
I know my list is fairly short, but I'm hoping to add to it every year. What are some of the missing favorite Christmas movies for you?
Friday, October 29, 2010
Things I thought about when I had the flu
I'm sure I've had the flu before, but I can't actually remember a time. This has been bad. It's getting better.
On the plus side, I was advised to take time off from training after the One Hour Long Cycle, so here ya go. Time off? Check.
BTW, I have stuff to say, but I have days to catch up on, and I'm still sick. I only get a few minutes of sitting up before I have to lay down; thiswill may be brief.
Movies on the couch...
The Sure Thing - I like John Cussack.
Pirate Radio - A fun movie. I like Richard Curtis's stuff. This was no Notting Hill or Four Weddings and a Funeral, but I will watch it again.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High - Sean Penn. Mr. Hand. Classic funny & Phoebe Cates.
Whip It - It was good? I liked it, but a little too much chick flick, in that Riding in Cars with Boys sorta way. Or Fried Green Tomatoes. *shudder*
Conan the Barbarian - Conan never gets old, and was especially good right after Whip It.
In food...
My friend Justin Marks [sic], of Marx Foods, was kind enough to send me some spice awesomeness, and there will be cooking awesomeness to follow. In the meantime, I'll tell you that the box itself contains a mixture of scents that is beyond belief. It will be a shame to use them, but a crime not to.
Sick since Monday, and until tonight I've eaten nothing but eggs, ground beef, and tomatoes. But enter the appetite.
Classic fare from the days of yore. Steak and "vegetables" on a Star Glow plate. I'm feeling better already.
In fitness...
Low carb wisdom - Hitting a stall in his fat loss goals, low carb author, blogger, and pod celebrity Jimmy Moore cuts calories and adds activity. My hat's of him for giving this a shot, which flies in the face of much of the low carb dogma. Still, there are many posters telling him that the secret is to go "Atkin's induction" or "full paleo." The desperation can almost be felt in their typedpleas suggestions to drop carbs more or change the macros and ingredients up because "we believe." Seriously. I wish it was as easy as dropping carbs. I'd be jacked as jacked could be.
Paleo wisdom - Calories DO count when trying to lose fat, even on full out paleo, says Robb Wolf.
Finally, I saw this from Galya.
I gave up on the power cleans (I mostly do sandbag cleans, instead), I got the IKFF and OKC to train me on kettlebells, and I'm still getting help with my squats.
Get a trainer or coach. Be safe. Train smart.
On the plus side, I was advised to take time off from training after the One Hour Long Cycle, so here ya go. Time off? Check.
BTW, I have stuff to say, but I have days to catch up on, and I'm still sick. I only get a few minutes of sitting up before I have to lay down; this
Movies on the couch...
The Sure Thing - I like John Cussack.
Pirate Radio - A fun movie. I like Richard Curtis's stuff. This was no Notting Hill or Four Weddings and a Funeral, but I will watch it again.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High - Sean Penn. Mr. Hand. Classic funny & Phoebe Cates.
Whip It - It was good? I liked it, but a little too much chick flick, in that Riding in Cars with Boys sorta way. Or Fried Green Tomatoes. *shudder*
Conan the Barbarian - Conan never gets old, and was especially good right after Whip It.
In food...
My friend Justin Marks [sic], of Marx Foods, was kind enough to send me some spice awesomeness, and there will be cooking awesomeness to follow. In the meantime, I'll tell you that the box itself contains a mixture of scents that is beyond belief. It will be a shame to use them, but a crime not to.
Sick since Monday, and until tonight I've eaten nothing but eggs, ground beef, and tomatoes. But enter the appetite.
 |
| steak, parsley, and Star Glow - a 60's trifecta |
In fitness...
Low carb wisdom - Hitting a stall in his fat loss goals, low carb author, blogger, and pod celebrity Jimmy Moore cuts calories and adds activity. My hat's of him for giving this a shot, which flies in the face of much of the low carb dogma. Still, there are many posters telling him that the secret is to go "Atkin's induction" or "full paleo." The desperation can almost be felt in their typed
Paleo wisdom - Calories DO count when trying to lose fat, even on full out paleo, says Robb Wolf.
You DO need a cal deficit, but you do not typically need to focus on it to get to respectable levels of leanness.You may not have to count them, but they do count. Find a way to eat fewer calories than you burn, and you lose weight.
Finally, I saw this from Galya.
If people addressed training the same way as they do playing a musical instrument, things would go a lot better for them. You want to play music? Find a teacher, learn how to read notes, play the basic tunes, maybe in a few years you can play a more complicated piece or you can improvise or even write your own piece of music. Training, no! People walk in the gym and they expect they can do it all.I remember trying power cleans on my own. Ugly. I remember the first time I snatched a kettlebell. ...on my own. Ouch. I remember I used to think my squatting form was safe.
I gave up on the power cleans (I mostly do sandbag cleans, instead), I got the IKFF and OKC to train me on kettlebells, and I'm still getting help with my squats.
Get a trainer or coach. Be safe. Train smart.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Eight years
Since this...
Actually a bit more than that. Today is eight years since I hit "healthy weight" on the, most awesome, BMI scale.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Get out of that coffee rut
I love coffee, so I was surprised that the thought of grinding the beans this morning brought a heavy sigh and a plan to drive by a Starbucks instead.
When coffee becomes a habit, rather than a joy, it's time to make a change. Not away from coffee, but back to the coffee experience that you love.
I made a mental list of things I really enjoy about coffee, then came up with a quick list of dos and don'ts.
When you feel the coffee rut, don't
Instead of your normal, do
Enjoy coffee again...
When coffee becomes a habit, rather than a joy, it's time to make a change. Not away from coffee, but back to the coffee experience that you love.
I made a mental list of things I really enjoy about coffee, then came up with a quick list of dos and don'ts.
When you feel the coffee rut, don't
- work while you drink it
- settle for the cheapest beans
- use your normal coffee maker
- have the same old same old
- order drip
- get it to go
- have it in the car
- drink it at your desk
- have it in a paper cup
- drink through a lid
Instead of your normal, do
- use a cup, saucer, and spoon (clink clink)
- try a French press
- steam or froth your milk
- sit outside
- sit on the couch
- go to a diner
- order an Americano instead of drip
- go light
- have espresso
- drink it on a walk
- give the machine a thorough cleaning
- instead of pouring your own milk, order a café au lait
- go dark
- use better beans
Enjoy coffee again...
Sunday, October 17, 2010
One week away
and I'm ready.
Next Saturday is the One Hour Long Cycle charity event. I'll be there, swinging, cleaning, and jerking a 20kg kettlebell for an hour.
Last Saturday, I hit 60 minutes with a 16kg kettlebell, and this Saturday we'll call it a taper; 40 minutes with a 20kg kettlebell. I'm ready for next week.
One Hour Long Cycle charity event
Please take a moment to think of all the kids you know who've been stricken with cancer, Leukemia, Downs Syndrome, and other conditions and ailments. Children's Hospital of Los Angeles needs help to help more kids like the ones you know.
Please follow the link and donate. Here.
Next Saturday is the One Hour Long Cycle charity event. I'll be there, swinging, cleaning, and jerking a 20kg kettlebell for an hour.
Last Saturday, I hit 60 minutes with a 16kg kettlebell, and this Saturday we'll call it a taper; 40 minutes with a 20kg kettlebell. I'm ready for next week.
One Hour Long Cycle charity event
Please take a moment to think of all the kids you know who've been stricken with cancer, Leukemia, Downs Syndrome, and other conditions and ailments. Children's Hospital of Los Angeles needs help to help more kids like the ones you know.
Please follow the link and donate. Here.
 |
| click me and donate (please) |
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Extra-Extra-Medium
 |
| not actual size |
I'm 6'1" and a little bit over 190lbs. I don't know what it's going to take to bump me up to a large, but the writing is on the wall.
Most of my adult life, I've been a larger or better. Well, bigger anyway. ...and bigger seems better.
There are whole web sites devoted to being large. Here's 70s Big. Go 200 (pounds) or go home. (bye)
My girlfriend is very nice, except when she says "that shirt is a little large." Well, I have larger, so pipe down! I don't, actually, but I could cut out the tags and say they are larges, right? Girls do it, right? The only ones that leave the tags on are the ones in size zero or extra-small. If you got it, flaunt it!
I have seen the writing on the wall, but not yet come to terms.
At the core of 7 year Quest For Abs FAILURE is the size "medium." That, and the hunger. Yes, it's true that I was hungry from 235 all the way down to 160, but not as hungry as I am on my best day at 190 and today's lean. The hunger is different. Perhaps because each day of surviving the hunger puts me that much closer to the comfort of a medium t-shirt and that much farther from a large. Two conflicting goals make for two barriers. Those of you who recognize math will recognize that 2 + 2 is 4, but when you go with multiplication, you get two squared, and that's HUGELY more and you've FAILED. I've never been good at math, but I know it when I see it.
The shirt is on order, and when it gets here, I'm officially a medium. What's next? I can ditch the lifts in my shoes? I'm really only 5'8"
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Small Coffee, Medium Cup
"Small Coffee, Medium Cup" - a request, overheard at Starbucks.
I feel like I want to say something deep about this, but I don't know what it is. When I heard it, I wrote down the phrase, made a mental image of the dude, and turned to check my expectations. About what I expected, I guess.
Don't be that guy. Don't be "small coffee, medium cup."
I feel like I want to say something deep about this, but I don't know what it is. When I heard it, I wrote down the phrase, made a mental image of the dude, and turned to check my expectations. About what I expected, I guess.
Don't be that guy. Don't be "small coffee, medium cup."
Thursday, April 22, 2010
March for Babies
My friend Joe Stankowski is doing the March of Dimes March for Babies on Saturday. If you don't know Joe, you don't know a really nice guy who really knows his stuff.
Read and subscribe to his blog, and please follow the link to donate a little bit for the babies. Babies are small and can't march themselves.
Read and subscribe to his blog, and please follow the link to donate a little bit for the babies. Babies are small and can't march themselves.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Where am I?
In January, I started a new job, which is more technical and less sales, but still within Xerox. I'm very happy to be back on the technical side, and I'm really enjoying things.
In '09 I was swamped with selling activities, so my blogging dropped a bit.
I was still cooking a lot, but pictures always looked bad AND with brain in work mode all the time, most things were repeats or fine tunings, anyway.
Enter 2010 ('10 looks wrong). I'm still getting up to speed on some of the technical bits, bytes, and packets of this new job, so my brain is focused there for a bit longer.
I've been cooking, but more importantly, Gal and I have been cooking, which tends to result in good food AND good pictures. We're entering more recipe contests, which is fun, but since you can't have "published" them to enter them, they are a model of delayed gratification (should they win) or just delayed publishing (should they lose).
Most of my "deep thoughts" aren't deep enough to write about just yet, but you never know.
More to come, I'm just slow as I find the groove for '10.
Thank you for "listening." :)
In '09 I was swamped with selling activities, so my blogging dropped a bit.
I was still cooking a lot, but pictures always looked bad AND with brain in work mode all the time, most things were repeats or fine tunings, anyway.
Enter 2010 ('10 looks wrong). I'm still getting up to speed on some of the technical bits, bytes, and packets of this new job, so my brain is focused there for a bit longer.
I've been cooking, but more importantly, Gal and I have been cooking, which tends to result in good food AND good pictures. We're entering more recipe contests, which is fun, but since you can't have "published" them to enter them, they are a model of delayed gratification (should they win) or just delayed publishing (should they lose).
Most of my "deep thoughts" aren't deep enough to write about just yet, but you never know.
More to come, I'm just slow as I find the groove for '10.
Thank you for "listening." :)
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Felix Navidad! - Cute Perfume Stocking Stuffer for a Great Cause!
If you need a little stocking stuffer, this one's a great one! For every bottle of Felix Navidad scent purchased, $10 will go directly to Under the Bridges. This is enough to provide 10 meals for hungry individuals.
Bottom line -- it's a cute idea, cute kittie, only $20, and a good cause.
So...
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Over Portuguese Bend
Pictures from a recent hike at the park over Portuguese Bend
Me
After the fire
Nearing Sunset
My TRX Spot
In The Clouds
The Way Home
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The Fall of the Berlin Wall, 20 Years Ago
I'm not much for politics, but this subject means a lot to me. I will admit, however, that I didn't remember the anniversary on my own. I was reminded by my virtual-blogger-facebook friend Petya (who I've never met in person) at the beginning of the week.
I've meant to blog of the subject since Monday, but haven't had time with all of my work. However, I don't want it to be perfect before I mention the event. It's important.
At this point, I'll suffice it to say that I didn't know how much of what I'd learned about communism was true. Media, propoganda, movies, books, school, rumor, etc. were my education. I didn't live it.
Here's a short list of learning influences, good, bad, accurate, and inaccurate. Communism, oppression, repression, the Cold War, etc. overlapping, analogy, metaphor...
Duck and Cover
Gotcha!
We The Living
"Four legs good, two legs bad"
Red Dawn
"We will bury you"
Bond girls
Anthem/2112
1984
"Ich bin ein Berliner"
None of these paint a picture of what life under Communism must have been like. Turns out some was accurate and some not...
If I never come back to update this and flesh things out, I leave you with my own little story of that day.
I was in a vanpool, coming home from my job at USC, when I heard about the Wall on the radio. This was before everyone had a cell phone, and I was anxious to get home to call my dad. My father is from Germany, was once a Berlin Wall guard in the American Army, and we'd talked many times about how awful that wall was. I wanted to see how he was doing after the news. I called him an hour later, and I could tell he was crying a little. Just so you know how a few average Americans took the news, there were some tears in the van, too.
I've meant to blog of the subject since Monday, but haven't had time with all of my work. However, I don't want it to be perfect before I mention the event. It's important.
At this point, I'll suffice it to say that I didn't know how much of what I'd learned about communism was true. Media, propoganda, movies, books, school, rumor, etc. were my education. I didn't live it.
Here's a short list of learning influences, good, bad, accurate, and inaccurate. Communism, oppression, repression, the Cold War, etc. overlapping, analogy, metaphor...
Duck and Cover
Gotcha!
We The Living
"Four legs good, two legs bad"
Red Dawn
"We will bury you"
Bond girls
Anthem/2112
1984
"Ich bin ein Berliner"
None of these paint a picture of what life under Communism must have been like. Turns out some was accurate and some not...
If I never come back to update this and flesh things out, I leave you with my own little story of that day.
I was in a vanpool, coming home from my job at USC, when I heard about the Wall on the radio. This was before everyone had a cell phone, and I was anxious to get home to call my dad. My father is from Germany, was once a Berlin Wall guard in the American Army, and we'd talked many times about how awful that wall was. I wanted to see how he was doing after the news. I called him an hour later, and I could tell he was crying a little. Just so you know how a few average Americans took the news, there were some tears in the van, too.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
The Escape Fantasy
A tune for while you're reading...
The Plan to Escape
I'm sure you remember that I was fat most of my life. I was also a sad and possibly depressed kid. I felt smart and dumb at the same time, bored in some classes while I struggled in others. Girls were my friends, but not my girlfriends. In my mind, I didn't have enough friend friends, or the right friends, and I'll bet the friends I did have felt the same way. I felt all alone in this, only learning years later that 90% of the kids around me probably felt the same way, in one way or another.
I remember lying awake in bed (and in the hard or easy classes) and dreaming about getting the hell out of there. Away from school and people, to be alone and left alone. Gilligan's Island sounded pretty awesome, but unworkable in the how-to-get-to-the-island department. Surviving in the local Southern California mountains, at least in the spring and summer, seamed like a decent option though. That would be extreme camping, but how hard is that?
I never did it, though. I only thought about it. Constantly.
Unhappy and overweight, another benefit of these extreme vacations was the self imposed make or break diet and exercise plan. In my mind, I came back at the end of the summer and everything in my head (and body) and been worked out. I was happy and slim and ready to get back into life.
Whether I was chicken shit or realistic (or some of each) I won't admit. You be the judge. And, those of you who've had those dreams yourself, notice that you also didn't actually do it. You just thought it, and possible still think about it.
Escape from Reality via Reality TV
In my teens, I was daydreaming of running off to my own personal version of Survivor to escape from the people that I didn't have in my life and to lose weight. In my mind, the two were tied together -- losing weight was the key to getting a girlfriend and more friends that actually wanted me around. Rather than add drama here and come back around to this point, I'll just say that I now know that my friends did want me around, but my own insecurities didn't let me see that. I'm sticking to my guns on the girlfriend, though!
Back to the issue...
I think that the popularity of certain reality television shows is catering to this unspoken, secret fantasy that so many of us have (Yes, have. Still).
Survivor is pure escapism. 30 plus days away from your worldly troubles. No one really wants to leave their family behind on purpose. We love them. We would miss them. Plus, they need us, either directly or for our money and support. We can't leave work for any great length of time, either because work really needs us or we're afraid to find out how little work actually does need us... With Survivor, we're given a 30+ day "pass" on all that. Tossed onto an island with 20 people in the same boat, we get to make friends with people who are our "equals," and try to last until the end and win the big bucks. Those big bucks lead to happiness and more friends, right? Even though we know money doesn't buy happiness, we know it actually does for us.
The Biggest Loser is like fat camp with a chance to win money! Yes, I dreamed of fat camp, too. Some place that would have forced me to eat right and exercise. See the previous paragraph on Survivor, because TBL is Survivor with personal trainers and treadmills.
The Apprentice is a little different, but in addition to the "fresh start," you get to show how awesome you are. Personally, I never thought I'd do well on The Apprentice, but many people do. What escape fantasies did they have as a kid?
There are other shows that I've seen once or twice. The Amazing Race seems fun, but not enough to watch every week. I don't know what that show says about the people who apply.
The Colony is scary. The people on the show are scary. They seem like the kind that actually dreamed about the end of civilization. It's a very negative show, from the few I've seen.
The military fits in here, somewhere. It's not a tv show, but people join the military to escape. I almost did.
I've often wondered about other people's escape daydreams. Mine are still pretty similar to the ones I had as a kid, but with a positive twist. Of course, there's no more daydreams of fat camp, but Survivor comes to mind. 30 or so days? Cake, and a vacation with a chance at millions. I'd miss my family, but I think they'd understand, since they love the show, too. It's no longer to get away from them, anyway. It's getting away from stresses of life. Even on an actual vacation, how many of us are spending precious brain time thinking about what they could be doing for work? Too many.
I put up the Message In A Bottle video for a reason. When we go off to the desert island, fat camp, Survivor, or run away from home as a little kid, we want to be missed. We want to be found. Looked for. Sought out. How many times didn't we leave because we feared not being missed. And feared that as much as we feared being hungry, alone, or scared?
I just typed up this long blog post, assuming others are on the same page as me. How embarrassing if I'm all alone in this... I doubt it. At work, or lunch with friends, people's eyes light up as they mention how great they'd be at Survivor. I've even had someone tell me that being sequestered on a jury would be a welcome thing (His job must have really sucked that day)!
With all that in mind, I don't think I'm alone.
The Plan to Escape
I'm sure you remember that I was fat most of my life. I was also a sad and possibly depressed kid. I felt smart and dumb at the same time, bored in some classes while I struggled in others. Girls were my friends, but not my girlfriends. In my mind, I didn't have enough friend friends, or the right friends, and I'll bet the friends I did have felt the same way. I felt all alone in this, only learning years later that 90% of the kids around me probably felt the same way, in one way or another.
I remember lying awake in bed (and in the hard or easy classes) and dreaming about getting the hell out of there. Away from school and people, to be alone and left alone. Gilligan's Island sounded pretty awesome, but unworkable in the how-to-get-to-the-island department. Surviving in the local Southern California mountains, at least in the spring and summer, seamed like a decent option though. That would be extreme camping, but how hard is that?
I never did it, though. I only thought about it. Constantly.
Unhappy and overweight, another benefit of these extreme vacations was the self imposed make or break diet and exercise plan. In my mind, I came back at the end of the summer and everything in my head (and body) and been worked out. I was happy and slim and ready to get back into life.
Whether I was chicken shit or realistic (or some of each) I won't admit. You be the judge. And, those of you who've had those dreams yourself, notice that you also didn't actually do it. You just thought it, and possible still think about it.
Escape from Reality via Reality TV
In my teens, I was daydreaming of running off to my own personal version of Survivor to escape from the people that I didn't have in my life and to lose weight. In my mind, the two were tied together -- losing weight was the key to getting a girlfriend and more friends that actually wanted me around. Rather than add drama here and come back around to this point, I'll just say that I now know that my friends did want me around, but my own insecurities didn't let me see that. I'm sticking to my guns on the girlfriend, though!
Back to the issue...
I think that the popularity of certain reality television shows is catering to this unspoken, secret fantasy that so many of us have (Yes, have. Still).
Survivor is pure escapism. 30 plus days away from your worldly troubles. No one really wants to leave their family behind on purpose. We love them. We would miss them. Plus, they need us, either directly or for our money and support. We can't leave work for any great length of time, either because work really needs us or we're afraid to find out how little work actually does need us... With Survivor, we're given a 30+ day "pass" on all that. Tossed onto an island with 20 people in the same boat, we get to make friends with people who are our "equals," and try to last until the end and win the big bucks. Those big bucks lead to happiness and more friends, right? Even though we know money doesn't buy happiness, we know it actually does for us.
The Biggest Loser is like fat camp with a chance to win money! Yes, I dreamed of fat camp, too. Some place that would have forced me to eat right and exercise. See the previous paragraph on Survivor, because TBL is Survivor with personal trainers and treadmills.
The Apprentice is a little different, but in addition to the "fresh start," you get to show how awesome you are. Personally, I never thought I'd do well on The Apprentice, but many people do. What escape fantasies did they have as a kid?
There are other shows that I've seen once or twice. The Amazing Race seems fun, but not enough to watch every week. I don't know what that show says about the people who apply.
The Colony is scary. The people on the show are scary. They seem like the kind that actually dreamed about the end of civilization. It's a very negative show, from the few I've seen.
The military fits in here, somewhere. It's not a tv show, but people join the military to escape. I almost did.
I've often wondered about other people's escape daydreams. Mine are still pretty similar to the ones I had as a kid, but with a positive twist. Of course, there's no more daydreams of fat camp, but Survivor comes to mind. 30 or so days? Cake, and a vacation with a chance at millions. I'd miss my family, but I think they'd understand, since they love the show, too. It's no longer to get away from them, anyway. It's getting away from stresses of life. Even on an actual vacation, how many of us are spending precious brain time thinking about what they could be doing for work? Too many.
I put up the Message In A Bottle video for a reason. When we go off to the desert island, fat camp, Survivor, or run away from home as a little kid, we want to be missed. We want to be found. Looked for. Sought out. How many times didn't we leave because we feared not being missed. And feared that as much as we feared being hungry, alone, or scared?
I just typed up this long blog post, assuming others are on the same page as me. How embarrassing if I'm all alone in this... I doubt it. At work, or lunch with friends, people's eyes light up as they mention how great they'd be at Survivor. I've even had someone tell me that being sequestered on a jury would be a welcome thing (His job must have really sucked that day)!
With all that in mind, I don't think I'm alone.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Movies with honor
On Friday night, 15 guys gathered in front of a big screen tv for pizza, soda, candy (Red Vines for me), popcorn and Gladiator. what a great movie. It's got it all -- action, blood, intrigue, drama, a truly creepy and weird villian, who's both weak and powerful at the same time. It's got the beautiful woman, of course. ...and then a whole arena full of honor.
Do I need to say this has spoilers? At this point, if you haven't seen it, don't watch this clip. The music couldn't be better! About 2 minutes in...
I absolutely love this movie. It's beautiful, dramatic, sad, and horrible, but the honor, bravery, and morality are more than enough for two or three movies.
I know every guy is supposed to have Braveheart as their number one, but this is mine.
Marcus Aurelius: Won't you accept this great honor that I have offered you?
Maximus: With all my heart, no.
Marcus Aurelius: Maximus, that is why it must be you.
Silverado -- Westerns can be filled with honor. They often have the conflicted, dark hero, which guys secretly want to be.
Silverado is an underrated movie, in my opinion. But I can watch it every time it's on.
I won't go into detail on all of them, but here are some of my top choices.
Lord of the Rings -- In fact, one of the things that bugs me about the movie is changing why Merry and Pippin are in the fellowship to begin with. In the movie, they get chased out of town for stealing veggies, but run into Frodo and Sam on their own escape. In the book, they follow Sam and Frodo because they suspect that their good friends need help in something terribly important. There's a huge difference, and it bothers me that they changed it, presumably to save screen time.
Ice Age -- A road movie in CGA. Three guys just out for themselves turn into great friends and end up willing to sacrifice great things for an innocent stranger.
Raiders of the Lost Ark -- Most guys with humdrum jobs totally get this. Teacher by day, adventurer by night. It's like the superhero dream, but without the need for tights and a cape.
Star Wars, The Seven Samurai, The Magnificent Seven, and A Bug's Life -- I think The Lord of the Rings fits into this group, too. The Seven Samurai's gathering of heroes is a recurring theme in many movies now. From pure to conflicted, great to small, young to old, and foolish to wise, we meet our heroes, who'll make up the team that metes out justice while teaching and learning from each other.
The list can go on and on, but I stuck to movies that I want to watch again and again. For instance, Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan, and Braveheart are great movies, and I really liked them. But they aren't enjoyable movies to me. I don't want to see them again and again.
Do I need to say this has spoilers? At this point, if you haven't seen it, don't watch this clip. The music couldn't be better! About 2 minutes in...
I absolutely love this movie. It's beautiful, dramatic, sad, and horrible, but the honor, bravery, and morality are more than enough for two or three movies.
I know every guy is supposed to have Braveheart as their number one, but this is mine.
Marcus Aurelius: Won't you accept this great honor that I have offered you?
Maximus: With all my heart, no.
Marcus Aurelius: Maximus, that is why it must be you.
Silverado -- Westerns can be filled with honor. They often have the conflicted, dark hero, which guys secretly want to be.
Silverado is an underrated movie, in my opinion. But I can watch it every time it's on.
I won't go into detail on all of them, but here are some of my top choices.
Lord of the Rings -- In fact, one of the things that bugs me about the movie is changing why Merry and Pippin are in the fellowship to begin with. In the movie, they get chased out of town for stealing veggies, but run into Frodo and Sam on their own escape. In the book, they follow Sam and Frodo because they suspect that their good friends need help in something terribly important. There's a huge difference, and it bothers me that they changed it, presumably to save screen time.
Ice Age -- A road movie in CGA. Three guys just out for themselves turn into great friends and end up willing to sacrifice great things for an innocent stranger.
Raiders of the Lost Ark -- Most guys with humdrum jobs totally get this. Teacher by day, adventurer by night. It's like the superhero dream, but without the need for tights and a cape.
Star Wars, The Seven Samurai, The Magnificent Seven, and A Bug's Life -- I think The Lord of the Rings fits into this group, too. The Seven Samurai's gathering of heroes is a recurring theme in many movies now. From pure to conflicted, great to small, young to old, and foolish to wise, we meet our heroes, who'll make up the team that metes out justice while teaching and learning from each other.
The list can go on and on, but I stuck to movies that I want to watch again and again. For instance, Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan, and Braveheart are great movies, and I really liked them. But they aren't enjoyable movies to me. I don't want to see them again and again.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
debbie
Debbie, I've got about 30 minutes left in today, February 19th, so I gotta hurry with the typing!
I've got nothing funny to share today. Instead, I share something that I'm thankful for (besides your grace in forgiving the classic "preposition at end of sentence").
I've said before that I'm thankful for the internet, and it's not just because of the girlfriend thing. We'll just call that a bonus.
In a nutshell, I'm thankful for the people who I've "met," who I'm sure I'd never have met without the internet. I'm not going to name names, since I don't want to exclude anybody important. ...or make the others feel squirmy.
Anyhow, Debbie, as an illustrious member of one of the groups of people previously mentioned, I'm happy to have exchanged comments with you, and hope we get the chance to meet someday. You're inspirational from a distance, and figure it's probably even better up close.
Perhaps I've been subconsciously effected by you, too. A few days ago, I downloaded a bunch of songs for my mp3 player. Tonight, I find that seven of them are on your blog playlist. An interesting mix you have there, and I do forgive you for the Nickelback, since you have more than enough Tull to make up for your transgression.
There aren't a lot of timely songs on our mutual list, so I pick a long time favorite that has no significance, other than we both like it.
It was really hard to pic a video, since Ian Anderson is such a freak, so I picked this lady, KarenEng, who inexplicably dances to a variety of songs, including Delta Dawn and Freebird.
I've got nothing funny to share today. Instead, I share something that I'm thankful for (besides your grace in forgiving the classic "preposition at end of sentence").
I've said before that I'm thankful for the internet, and it's not just because of the girlfriend thing. We'll just call that a bonus.
In a nutshell, I'm thankful for the people who I've "met," who I'm sure I'd never have met without the internet. I'm not going to name names, since I don't want to exclude anybody important. ...or make the others feel squirmy.
Anyhow, Debbie, as an illustrious member of one of the groups of people previously mentioned, I'm happy to have exchanged comments with you, and hope we get the chance to meet someday. You're inspirational from a distance, and figure it's probably even better up close.
Perhaps I've been subconsciously effected by you, too. A few days ago, I downloaded a bunch of songs for my mp3 player. Tonight, I find that seven of them are on your blog playlist. An interesting mix you have there, and I do forgive you for the Nickelback, since you have more than enough Tull to make up for your transgression.
There aren't a lot of timely songs on our mutual list, so I pick a long time favorite that has no significance, other than we both like it.
It was really hard to pic a video, since Ian Anderson is such a freak, so I picked this lady, KarenEng, who inexplicably dances to a variety of songs, including Delta Dawn and Freebird.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Valentine's Days - The Best & The Worst
No suspenseful story here. This one, 2009's Valentine's Day, is the best and the worst one.
It's actually been really and mostly good. I have a girl that I love with all my heart. That makes it the best. The worst part is being apart, yet feeling like we're not, but,yeah, we are apart... So, it's the best because of her, it's the worst because of her. ...she's not here. The positives absolutely outweigh the negatives, though. No doubt! It's a wonderful feeling of misery, to live and love in this modern day world, with it's modern day technologies. All that "living like our ancestors" is crap. So, I'm thankful.
I'm particularly thankful for the internet, without which I would not have my wonderful, beautiful, brilliant, short, funny, talented, cute, sexy, girlfriend (who, for those of you out of the loop on this one, lives in Bulgaria). Yes, we met via the internet years ago, became friends, years later, met in person, then, eventually, became much more than friends.
For all the good of the internet (email, IM, webcams, etc.), there seems to be something of a lag in how we perceive people at the other end of the wire. Our minds simply don't comprehend that the person we're seeing on those webcam isn't right here in the room with us.
In the days of yore, we had messengers to carry letters. Kings, Generals, Apostles, and other important people would round up some poor sap to carry a scroll or two a very long distance, hand delivering it at the end. In some cases, he'd wait around for the return trip with the answer. That's a long time between the send and receive.
In a Bulgarian antique store, Gal found a card from a man to his woman, It is dated 1917.
He says : "my dearest love, I regret to inform you that I am very very busy with work, so I will not be coming now, but in a few days I will be free and I will come home, so please start getting ready for me. I am sending you my kisses..."
Underneath, apparently, it says "please deliver personally TO HER and by train immediately."
That's what she says it says, anyway. If there's anyone reading this who speaks Klingon or whatever that is, don't ruin this for her. I'm going to go with it.
For the sake of argument, let's assume it's all true. Well, that's quite a difference from calling from the office to say you're going to be late for dinner. I guess we have the long distance relationship pretty easy compared to people who used runners, the Pony Express, wagon trains, actual trains, and ships.
Fast forward to 'yesteryear," and even our parents, who relied on airplanes to deliver mail and had phones had it pretty hard. Calls were short because they were extremely expensive, if not prohibitive. Letters still took from days to weeks to arrive, depending on the "to" and "from" locations.
I love this Bulgarian girl, and will not give her up for the world. I thank God for Al Gore and his invention of the internet, which makes our long distance relationship possible. The guy who invented the webcam (big thanks, Gregorio Y. Zara!) deserves a thank you card, too. With Skype and the webcam, it's like we're in the same room. But as good as looking through a camera across the world to Bulgaria is, it's somehow really bad, too.
It's not even the obvious parts, like the opposing timezone thing - when she's going to bed, I'm eating lunch, and when I'm leaving for work, she's just getting home from her day. I'm awake when she's asleep. She's awake when I'm asleep. I almost posted a Björk song about that feeling, but it's just too grim. Björk gets the feeling, but she talks about "ending things" ...dramatically, and that's way more "cry for help" than I'm feeling. I have no such thought or intention... But the angst is there, deep and felt. Hang in there, Björk
The feeling of "together, but not," also causes the "we can see, but can't touch" effect. It's almost like being in a dating relationship back in the "days of yore," with a grizzled old woman (sorry, Mom) sitting at the table next to us, keeping us from touching. I wonder if Skype offers a virtual chaperon service to make the archaic dating sensation complete.
But, even these problems are pretty minor compared to the unseen, and unimagined problem caused by the damn webcam and f***ing inexpensive, ubiquitous, high speed, broadband internet access. (and for that, I say "screw you, Al Gore!")
What's the problem? It goes back to that feeling of being in the same room. Only we're not. The miracle of Skype lets us talk like we're in the same room. Free of charge. Webcam's are running, and we can chat, work, clean, and simply hang out, long distance. We're in our own homes in two different countries. ...but she's right there, too! On one Sunday, I looked down and found that the timer said 7 hours had passed! Wow, who knew? Call this a miracle, a blessing, whatever you want to call it, but it's amazing.
Amazing, yes. But, after a few days like this, your mind plays tricks on you. You go to work on Monday, as usual, but then as you pack up your desk at 6 o'clock, you almost fight the urge to call home and say you're on your way, to let her know to "start getting ready."
Our minds do not yet fully comprehend this phenomenon. Do you get it, or should I write a couple of paragraphs using cool words like "paradox," "spacial," "awareness," and "dichotomy?" I hope not, because I gotta get home, see how my love is doing on my dinner. Oh wait...
So, what does the future hold in the realm of interpersonal relationships? How long does our species need to put up with this bullshit? I'm sure our brains will catch up to our technology at some point, if the past is any indication. Our caveman ancestors wouldn't have understood the spyglass, and my great grandfather would have freaked out a mere television broadcast. But we understand those things today. We get it. We've "evolved" alongside changes in our technology. Our brains are bigger, most of us stand erect, and I'm quite a bit taller than my great grandpa.
I'm hoping that this is where it ends. What's the next step in dating technology? Teleportation? Not really an issue. If you can set aside the conversion of matter to pure energy, then the reassembly at the other end, you're cool. Once we're to this point, the long distance part of the relationship is pretty much wrapped up; the other side of the planet might as well be next door.
It might be a while for teleportation. We don't understand the "pure energy" thing yet. We don't even have fusion down yet. So we continue to evolve and force our brains to adapt to these technologies and the dichotomy (I know, but I just had to use it) that comes with it.
Sadly, I fear that our species is doomed. If science fiction is any indication (and it seems to be pretty accurate in some cases), we're looking at evolving into people with huge heads with weird, thick veins and an obvious pulse that you can see across the room. Either that, OR living as beings of pure energy. The latter probably means that the teleportation and long distance issues are moot, right? But can we get there without first growing immense noggins?
Hmmm... I sense a problem. If we grow the huge head thing, that could just be the end.
Who's going to travel around the world to date that guy? Uh, no... As soon as that webcam turns on, someone's turned off! Long distance relationship? Done. Over. Kaput. But I digress. This is an issue for our future psychiatrists, therapists, and physicists.
So, with this in mind, I put the worry about our collective future aside and concentrate on my own future with my Eastern European chick, and settle into this, hopefully, short term long distance thing until the long term, short distance thing takes over. I'm in it for the long haul, I just hope it's not all that long. As of today, said chick's been gone for four weeks. (Is that really all?) And there's something like nine weeks until she comes back. That's forever.
Oh, and I've had a few headaches lately. Is that my brain growing inside my head or just the coffee cutback? I can't risk it! Hurry back, Gal!
Oh, and happy Valentine's Day, love. I've never been happier.
It's actually been really and mostly good. I have a girl that I love with all my heart. That makes it the best. The worst part is being apart, yet feeling like we're not, but,yeah, we are apart... So, it's the best because of her, it's the worst because of her. ...she's not here. The positives absolutely outweigh the negatives, though. No doubt! It's a wonderful feeling of misery, to live and love in this modern day world, with it's modern day technologies. All that "living like our ancestors" is crap. So, I'm thankful.
I'm particularly thankful for the internet, without which I would not have my wonderful, beautiful, brilliant, short, funny, talented, cute, sexy, girlfriend (who, for those of you out of the loop on this one, lives in Bulgaria). Yes, we met via the internet years ago, became friends, years later, met in person, then, eventually, became much more than friends.
For all the good of the internet (email, IM, webcams, etc.), there seems to be something of a lag in how we perceive people at the other end of the wire. Our minds simply don't comprehend that the person we're seeing on those webcam isn't right here in the room with us.
In the days of yore, we had messengers to carry letters. Kings, Generals, Apostles, and other important people would round up some poor sap to carry a scroll or two a very long distance, hand delivering it at the end. In some cases, he'd wait around for the return trip with the answer. That's a long time between the send and receive.
In a Bulgarian antique store, Gal found a card from a man to his woman, It is dated 1917.
He says : "my dearest love, I regret to inform you that I am very very busy with work, so I will not be coming now, but in a few days I will be free and I will come home, so please start getting ready for me. I am sending you my kisses..."
Underneath, apparently, it says "please deliver personally TO HER and by train immediately."
That's what she says it says, anyway. If there's anyone reading this who speaks Klingon or whatever that is, don't ruin this for her. I'm going to go with it.
For the sake of argument, let's assume it's all true. Well, that's quite a difference from calling from the office to say you're going to be late for dinner. I guess we have the long distance relationship pretty easy compared to people who used runners, the Pony Express, wagon trains, actual trains, and ships.
Fast forward to 'yesteryear," and even our parents, who relied on airplanes to deliver mail and had phones had it pretty hard. Calls were short because they were extremely expensive, if not prohibitive. Letters still took from days to weeks to arrive, depending on the "to" and "from" locations.
I love this Bulgarian girl, and will not give her up for the world. I thank God for Al Gore and his invention of the internet, which makes our long distance relationship possible. The guy who invented the webcam (big thanks, Gregorio Y. Zara!) deserves a thank you card, too. With Skype and the webcam, it's like we're in the same room. But as good as looking through a camera across the world to Bulgaria is, it's somehow really bad, too.
It's not even the obvious parts, like the opposing timezone thing - when she's going to bed, I'm eating lunch, and when I'm leaving for work, she's just getting home from her day. I'm awake when she's asleep. She's awake when I'm asleep. I almost posted a Björk song about that feeling, but it's just too grim. Björk gets the feeling, but she talks about "ending things" ...dramatically, and that's way more "cry for help" than I'm feeling. I have no such thought or intention... But the angst is there, deep and felt. Hang in there, Björk
The feeling of "together, but not," also causes the "we can see, but can't touch" effect. It's almost like being in a dating relationship back in the "days of yore," with a grizzled old woman (sorry, Mom) sitting at the table next to us, keeping us from touching. I wonder if Skype offers a virtual chaperon service to make the archaic dating sensation complete.
But, even these problems are pretty minor compared to the unseen, and unimagined problem caused by the damn webcam and f***ing inexpensive, ubiquitous, high speed, broadband internet access. (and for that, I say "screw you, Al Gore!")
What's the problem? It goes back to that feeling of being in the same room. Only we're not. The miracle of Skype lets us talk like we're in the same room. Free of charge. Webcam's are running, and we can chat, work, clean, and simply hang out, long distance. We're in our own homes in two different countries. ...but she's right there, too! On one Sunday, I looked down and found that the timer said 7 hours had passed! Wow, who knew? Call this a miracle, a blessing, whatever you want to call it, but it's amazing.
Amazing, yes. But, after a few days like this, your mind plays tricks on you. You go to work on Monday, as usual, but then as you pack up your desk at 6 o'clock, you almost fight the urge to call home and say you're on your way, to let her know to "start getting ready."
Our minds do not yet fully comprehend this phenomenon. Do you get it, or should I write a couple of paragraphs using cool words like "paradox," "spacial," "awareness," and "dichotomy?" I hope not, because I gotta get home, see how my love is doing on my dinner. Oh wait...
So, what does the future hold in the realm of interpersonal relationships? How long does our species need to put up with this bullshit? I'm sure our brains will catch up to our technology at some point, if the past is any indication. Our caveman ancestors wouldn't have understood the spyglass, and my great grandfather would have freaked out a mere television broadcast. But we understand those things today. We get it. We've "evolved" alongside changes in our technology. Our brains are bigger, most of us stand erect, and I'm quite a bit taller than my great grandpa.
I'm hoping that this is where it ends. What's the next step in dating technology? Teleportation? Not really an issue. If you can set aside the conversion of matter to pure energy, then the reassembly at the other end, you're cool. Once we're to this point, the long distance part of the relationship is pretty much wrapped up; the other side of the planet might as well be next door.
It might be a while for teleportation. We don't understand the "pure energy" thing yet. We don't even have fusion down yet. So we continue to evolve and force our brains to adapt to these technologies and the dichotomy (I know, but I just had to use it) that comes with it.
Sadly, I fear that our species is doomed. If science fiction is any indication (and it seems to be pretty accurate in some cases), we're looking at evolving into people with huge heads with weird, thick veins and an obvious pulse that you can see across the room. Either that, OR living as beings of pure energy. The latter probably means that the teleportation and long distance issues are moot, right? But can we get there without first growing immense noggins?
Hmmm... I sense a problem. If we grow the huge head thing, that could just be the end.
Yes, I got a swelled head because you
could love me, but this is just not good!
Who's going to travel around the world to date that guy? Uh, no... As soon as that webcam turns on, someone's turned off! Long distance relationship? Done. Over. Kaput. But I digress. This is an issue for our future psychiatrists, therapists, and physicists.
So, with this in mind, I put the worry about our collective future aside and concentrate on my own future with my Eastern European chick, and settle into this, hopefully, short term long distance thing until the long term, short distance thing takes over. I'm in it for the long haul, I just hope it's not all that long. As of today, said chick's been gone for four weeks. (Is that really all?) And there's something like nine weeks until she comes back. That's forever.
Oh, and I've had a few headaches lately. Is that my brain growing inside my head or just the coffee cutback? I can't risk it! Hurry back, Gal!
Oh, and happy Valentine's Day, love. I've never been happier.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Mom's Ashes
About two weeks ago, we (Galya and I) took my Mom's ashes down to San Diego. I'd promised my Mom that I'd take them down to my brother's grave after she died. My Mom died almost six years ago, so it was about time. It was a pretty good experience, with no tears (from me, anyway).
I have nothing touching to write, either. I just want to state the facts.
My brother was a baby when he died, four years before I was even born, so the biggest thing for me was really taking care of the mom part. I'm not the "ashes on the mantle" or the sentimental on "resting places" type, but it's nice to have in a more final resting place instead of that plastic box in the red velvet bag.
This problem could have long ago been solved by a short car trip, but I kept putting it off. In the meantime, I didn't really know where to keep her, so finding a respectful place around the house that wasn't creepy was tough (*cough*garage*cough*).
I know, I know. The garage seems like the perfect place for her, but it wasn't. I'd put the box in a high cupboard, but I always needed other things from that cupboard it seemed ("Hi, Mom!". Inside another box of things that I'd never use again? Turns out I did need those crystal candy bowls ("Hey, Mom").
For the longest time, there was an air hockey table that got quite a lot of use, and the puck always seemed to find her box (it was on a shelf, behind some boxes of old pictures and slides) with a resounding and unusual thunk. It wasn't uncommon for me to toss out the little quip of "Hey, don't hit my mom!" to throw off the competition and take that final point for the win!
That Mom and I make a good air hockey team was no reason to hang onto the past. Plus, the past can't be the past while the "past" is still hanging around the present. So, I added the San Diego trip to my calendar and then rolled it week to week for about five years. I'm such a good son, huh? At least Outlook and I never forgot...
Finally, Gal offered to go down there with me while she was here. A few weeks later, we found ourselves down in San Diego, only slightly lost and slightly late, but there at the Cemetery.
My father was in the Army back in 1964, so my brother is buried at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery. Like the other National Cemeteries I've seen, it's beautiful, with row after row of white headstones. We got down there pretty late -- around sunset -- so it was pretty dark and cold. It took a long time, lots of walking, and lots of shivering to find the spot where my brother is buried.
I didn't cry, and I still feel weird about it. But, my mom died a long time ago, and Gal reminded me that I'd put her to rest years ago. True, we'd had a funeral and a memorial with her friends in Montana, years ago.
But, here I was, and I thought it would be hard once I got there. But, it wasn't hard at all. It was quiet and calm. It was weird to see my brother's name there, carved into the headstone. Anthony Robert Denzel. I'd never been there before and even though I knew the name, I never really thought about it. My son's name is Anthony. My grandfathers' names were Anton and Robert on my Dad's and Mom's side, respectively. I knew all that, but it was still quite a moment.
I took the ashes out of my backpack, kneeled, and spread them out. I felt like I should say something, but I had nothing, so I just stayed there, kneeling, "deep in thought" for a minute. Soon, I got up without saying anything, and we walked back to the car.
On the way back, I crumpled the bag that had contained the ashes. "What do I do with this?' holding the bag up. "It's not totally empty." It seemed wrong to throw it away like that.
"We're going to rinse it in the ocean," Gal said, reminding me of our discussion from the drive down. I had forgotten. That was a good solution, although it means another trip... It was already dark and we weren't near the beach.
In the meantime, where to keep the bag? In the garage, I guess.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
