Extra-Extra-Medium

not actual size

I'm sure they didn't design this shirt specifically for me, but there it is.  I'm not the large I want to be.  Not the large I wish I was.  I'm a medium.  An extra, extra medium.  A medium.

I'm 6'1" and a little bit over 190lbs.  I don't know what it's going to take to bump me up to a large, but the writing is on the wall.

Most of my adult life, I've been a larger or better. Well, bigger anyway.  ...and bigger seems better.

There are whole web sites devoted to being large.  Here's 70s Big.  Go 200 (pounds) or go home.  (bye)

My girlfriend is very nice, except when she says "that shirt is a little large."  Well, I have larger, so pipe down!  I don't, actually, but I could cut out the tags and say they are larges, right?  Girls do it, right?  The only ones that leave the tags on are the ones in size zero or extra-small.  If you got it, flaunt it!

I have seen the writing on the wall, but not yet come to terms.

At the core of 7 year Quest For Abs FAILURE is the size "medium."  That, and the hunger.  Yes, it's true that I was hungry from 235 all the way down to 160, but not as hungry as I am on my best day at 190 and today's lean.  The hunger is different.  Perhaps because each day of surviving the hunger puts me that much closer to the comfort of a medium t-shirt and that much farther from a large.  Two conflicting goals make for two barriers.  Those of you who recognize math will recognize that 2 + 2 is 4, but when you go with multiplication, you get two squared, and that's HUGELY more and you've FAILED.  I've never been good at math, but I know it when I see it.

The shirt is on order, and when it gets here, I'm officially a medium.  What's next?  I can ditch the lifts in my shoes?  I'm really only 5'8"