May 20th, 2003

Meredith Lee Hudson
1938 - 2003

Dear Mom,

There are so many things that I should have told you, and now you're gone.

For so many years, you were a good friend, in addition to being my mother. Even as a child and a teenager, when other kids my age would be embarrassed by their mother, I wasn't.

I enjoyed the weird books that you had around; that I read. In a way, I enjoyed the weird spelling habits that I picked up from those books. To this day, I have to correct myself of some of my more colourful spelling habits. Some are a grey area, and I let them slide...

The last few years, when you lived off in Montana, we were not close. At least not like we were in the past. I don't know how typical this is of mother/son relationships. Maybe very. I could have done more.

I thought of you every day, even when I didn't call. You were important to me then, and continue to be, today. Montana was far, but there was little excuse for me to stay away so long. You're farther from me now, but you are still close to my heart.

I love you,

Your son

Cooked Greens Salad with Flattened Meatballs

Makes about 4 servings (maybe 3-ish…)

Flattened Meatballs
1 lbs misc. ground meat (½ lbs beef, ½ pork, for instance)
½ red onion, minced
1 clove garlic, minced (reserve a small amount for the salad)
2 tbsp paprika
1 tbsp ground cumin
1 tsp dried oregano, rubbed between palms
4 basil leaves, minced
1 tsp salt
Fresh ground pepper

Salad *
1 large bunch of collard greens, cleaned
1 tsp olive oil or reserved pan drippings
½ red onion, sliced into thin strips
Reserved garlic
1 tbsp water
Salt and pepper to taste


Directions:

Meatballs

In a large bowl, mix all the meatball ingredients together with your hands. Form the meat into 12 meatballs. Flatten them into oblong patty shapes.

Heat a large skillet over medium high heat. Cook the flattened meatballs until they are browned on both sides. If possible, only turn the meatballs once. When cooked, drain the meatballs on paper towels.


Salad

Slice the collard greens across the ribs into strips that are about a ½ inch wide.

Heat a large lidded pan over medium high heat. Add the oil or pan drippings. Add the onions and cook until the onions are soft, but not browned. Add reserved garlic and stir fry for about 30 seconds. Add water and collard greens. Lightly stir or toss to coat the greens. Cover and turn heat to low. Check the greens every minute for doneness. They cook quickly. They are done when they have slightly wilted but are not soft. We’re looking for a salad feel here…

Immediately remove the pan from heat and immediately plate the greens onto salad plates so they stop cooking. Salt and pepper the greens to taste.

Arrange three of the flattened meatballs onto each plate of greens.

Eat.


* Sometimes, collard greens are hard to find. The salad works well with salad greens or spinach, too. Just don’t cook them. You’ll need a dressing. Thinned yogurt, some pan drippings, and salt/pepper sounds good.

Hazy Saturday

Sand Challenge and Beach Cleanup done. I kicked ass. I was in the top three, at least. One bastard effortlessly longjumped right past my lead. Only a few inches, but he just did it. I had to work hard to get that far.

I ate it on one dune. I'm uncomfortable sandy.

On the cleanup, I found:

• 1 squash, whole
• 100s of tiny ziplocks
• 1 larger baggy of questionable content

Too hazy for beaching it. But, I forgot my wallet. The $1.87 in my ashtray isn't quite enough for a fun morning on 2nd street. Home it is.

It's 11:20, but I still haven't decided on my plan. The relatives sounded tired and zonked when I called. Maybe another time...





Blogged via Blackberry, where backspacing is more trouble than it's worth. Please forgive any typos.

Drive Time

It's a good thing I love driving, because there's been plenty lately. More to come.

Work's been simply crazy with zig-zagging across Orange County from one client to another, only to often head back to the first at the end of the day! Luckily the weather's been good enough for the top to be down.

Tomorrow, it's down to San Diego for a pretty full day. Luckily, I love the gyms down there. I have the best workouts in San Diego 24 Hour Fitness. Maybe it's the change of scenery?

A combination of guilt about work and a desire to not train for it has caused me to abandon the 7 hour drive up and back, just to run a 10k at 8,000 feet. I don't feel all that guilty about it and I justify it by knowing that my coworker now gets to take Friday off to do something important with his kids, rather than work while I drove to Reno.

Instead, I will take a shorter drive to visit some relatives and relax. Road trip starts after the Sand Challenge on Saturday, after which I'll head to Cuyucas and the relatives for the night. On the way back, it's a stop in Santa Barbara at my sister's place.

I love to drive, but it's weird to dread a beautiful drive for work and look forward to a similar drive on the weekend. It's not even the destination. Sometimes I just drive on the weekend, and stop wherever I like. No destination, but still fun. How long 'til Friday?

Our Food Focused Lives

We are a nation, a world, a people obsessed with food. I certainly am. It's a constant struggle to not eat more and more. More and more good, good food.

We need food, but we need so many other things, too. But, I don't know anyone obsessed with air, for instance.

This weird obsession takes so many different directions. The recent Baskin Robbin's Anniversary highlights this obsession.

On May 2nd, Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors offered scoops for a mere 31 cents. That's quite a deal. I watched people line up in a huge line. It was a really long line. Really long. All to save how much? A buck or so?

Really, how much does a scoop cost on May 3rd, when the line is shorter? Splurge, already.

I could almost understand the mentality if the people were truly celebrating the anniversary, but they were just getting the scoops and leaving. They didn't look any happier than normal.

One guy pulled up in his car and called out "Are you limited to one scoop each?" No, apparently. So, he parked and got in line. 35 minutes later, he was somewhere near the front, about to be saving around two bucks (he's not limited to just one scoop, after all).

Tortilla Soup (or for me, just Soup)

In Mexico, Tortilla Soup is like “leftover soup,” like Minestrone is to Italians or Chop Suey is to imaginary Chinese people.

Since the soup is historically made of leftovers and remnants, you can toss in practically anything you have handy in the way of vegetables or meat, and still feel pretty good about having an authentic dish.

Also, Mexicans often usually use up their older, drier, day-old tortillas that aren't so tasty for tacos anymore. The tortillas that we eat from the supermarket are already at that stage, so don’t sweat waiting for your tortillas to get old… They’re already there.

This soup is great for families like mine, where I eat low carb and avoid starches and grains for the most part, while my kids don’t. Everyone doctors up their own bowl just the way they like it, so everyone’s happy. I leave the tortillas out of my bowl of Tortilla Soup, so it sounds odd to still call it “Tortilla Soup,” but what are going to do?

In the US, we tend to save soups for cooler fall and winter weather. In Mexico, soup is an everyday, year-round dish. So, why wait?

Makes about 6 Servings

Soup
1 onion, chopped
6 cloves garlic, peeled (broken is OK)
1 tsp olive oil
1 tbsp paprika
1 tbsp New Mexico chili, ground
28 oz can stewed whole tomatoes
6 cups chicken stock
2 zucchini, or crookneck squash, etc., quartered lengthwise & sliced *
2 carrots, quartered lengthwise & sliced *
2 ears of corn *
2 bay leaves
1/4 teaspoon sugar
salt
thick tortilla chips or homemade fried tortilla strips (about 6 tortillas worth of fried strips)

* if you don't eat any of these vegetable, leave them out or pick something else, like some colorful bell peppers or a second type of summer squash. Anything goes, but a few different colored vegetables make it look that much better than just one.


Garnishes (use some or all, it's up to you):

• limes wedges
• shredded cabbage
• grilled, roasted, or rotisserie chicken (the bagged ones from the market deli work well), cut or shredded into bite size pieces
• diced avocado
• cilantro, chopped
• salsa
• hot sauce
• shredded jack, cheddar, or some fancy Mexican cheese
• crumbled cotija cheese
• cubes of cream cheese
  

Directions:

Saute onion and garlic over medium heat until soft. Add paprika and chili. Cook until fragrant (1-3 minutes). Add tomatoes and 1-2 cups stock. Use an immersion/stick blender (or pour into a standard blender) to puree the ingredients.

Add the tomato mixture and the rest of the broth to a soup pot and bring to a simmer.

Add bay leaves, carrots, and zucchini and simmer for about 20-30 minutes, until vegetables are cooked, but carrots are not mushy.

While soup is simmering, reheat the chicken, if using and prepare your chosen garnishes.

Cut corn from the ears and add to the soup during the last five minutes of cooking.

To serve, add tortilla chips or strips to the bottom of the soup bowls and ladle soup over them.

Top with desired garnishes.

Eat.

Studying for a Certification

So, in my head, I've started the process. I plan to take the exam for the NSCA-CPT (Certified Personal Trainer with the National Strength & Conditioning Association) in a few months.

First, before I move on, a "thanks" to all of you who've supported me in this. I've barraged a few of you with PMs and emails and got lots of great advice and encouragement back, too. So, again, "Thank You!"

I was torn about which certification to get. Primary choices were NSCA-CPT or NASM-CPT. I still don't know if one is better than the other. There seems no clear cut answer. But, two things, outside of the cert itself, weighed in favor of my choosing the NSCA direction.

1. I know several people who have recently taken the NSCA-CPT exams who've offered to help me when I need it.
2. Some of those same people have given me much of their study materials, DVDs, and CDs to help me get started. That saves a lot of money, right there.

As to the cert itself, I don't know if it's the better choice. But, I also have no problem with looking into other certs down the road. I enjoy the process of learning about fitness and nutrition, so who's to say the philosophies of another group's certification won't be just as enlightening? And, to be honest, I'm not sure that this will definitely lead to a career in fitness. This is as much about learning for myself as for anything. I want to do it. What I want to do with it, comes secondary.

I don't yet have a handle on when I'll take the exam. I need to get a grip on the depth of studying involved. I've never been much of a studier. I read and remember, but going back to study is a problem for me. Somehow, I feel like I'll need to adjust... This isn't like college, where I could trick myself into studying by joining the Cute Girls' Study Group.

Down the road, I might also be interested in a nutrition cert. I don't fully know my options, at this point, but I'd also like to look into some sort of nutritional certification. I doubt if they will provide the nutritional knowledge that I really want, but I also want to be aware of what's being taught in the real world. What other trainers teach about nutrition. I have my own ideas on diet, but you also need to "know the rules before you can break them." I will want any clients to know that my mind isn't closed to new ideas and that I've done my homework. A current (or past) nutritional cert at least shows that I was willing to learn before I just make up my own philosophy on the subject.

My goals as a future trainer are primarily focused on fat loss, but I really want to look at it from a different angle. Having been fat, I realize that my workouts were really just a tool to help me get lean and fit. I was a sad boy. Looking back, that was really the root of my issues. I don't yet have a handle on why I was sad, but I was. I'm much happier now. And, not fat...

The other day, I posted "Fat & Happy?"over at the JPFitness forums. That post sums it up for me, for the most part.

I like to help people. I'd like to help sad people be happy. I feel connected to this certain group of sad people, so I hope I can connect with them in my own way.

I'll never be a psychologist or psychiatrist, so I'll dispense with psychiatric advice, other than to encourage people to look to the root of the issue and start to fix things down there. For me, the root issue was being unhappy. I can't prove it, but somehow I feel like I can pick out unhappy people just as they are walking down the street. There's something about them. Not in the face or eyes, but in the size of their clothes.

In My Head All Day: Daydream Believer

Daydream Believer -- The Monkeys

Oh, I could hide 'neath the wings
Of the bluebird as she sings
The six o'clock alarm would never ring
Whoops it's ringing and I rise
Wipe the sleep out of my eyes
My shavin' razor's cold and it stings

Cheer up, sleepy Jean
Oh, what can it mean
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen

You once thought of me
As a white knight on his steed
Now you know how happy I can be
Oh, and our good times start and end
Without dollar one to spend
But how much, baby, do we really need?

Cheer up, sleepy Jean
Oh, what can it mean
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen
Cheer up, sleepy Jean
Oh, what can it mean
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen

Black Beans with Sofrito

I haven't been cooking much until just recently. I used to cook all the time, but for some reason, I haven't been in the mood. Well, I am now.

I'm starting with this one because it's the best one. Not just my best one. It's the best black bean recipe. Anywhere.

If you like beans, you'll love these. If you are a fan of black beans, then I feel sorry for all the other poor saps that serve you their black beans. Other beans may still be edible after these, but you may wonder why you bother.

These aren't side dish beans. Serve them with some chicken and grilled veggies as the sides...

These seem complicated, but give them a shot. They are easy, just take it step by step. After you do it once, you'll know how easy beans are to make.


Black Beans with Sofrito

First, what's a sofrito? It's a blend of vegetables, herbs, and spices, cooked on the side and then stirred into the beans near the end. Seems like work, huh? It's worth it. Don’t shortcut and just dump it all in earlier. You might not think it matters, but trust me, it does.

I often make these in a slow cooker. When I do, I reduce the water by one cup. They have to cook for a lot longer, but you don't have to watch them to make sure they don't burn or stick.

If using a conventional pot, try to use one with a heavy bottom to insure even heat across the bottom. A thin-bottomed pot can cause the beans to stick in the center, then burn.

Pasilla chilis aren't too spicy, and you’re only using two for the whole pot. You shouldn't be afraid of the heat. But, they might be hard to find, I suggest two red bell peppers, instead. There will be a subtle taste difference, but they will be terrific. I can never decide which way to make them. Each way is different, but equally good.


Beans
1 lb. dried black beans
½ lbs. salt pork or a ham hock
1 medium white onion, finely chopped
7 cloves garlic, minced
6 cups water (5 in a slow cooker)
1 pasilla* chili, seeded and halved
2 bay leaves
1½ tsp salt

Sofrito
1 pasilla* chili, seeded and chopped
1 medium white onion, chopped
5 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp olive oil
1 tbsp cumin seed, ground
1 tbsp dried oregano
1½ tsp. salt

1 tbsp fresh lime juice
chopped cilantro (optional)

* You can substitute other chilis, or even green or red bell peppers, if desired


Directions:

Pick through beans, discarding all non-bean material and any beans that are broken or strange looking. Rinse beans and add to the pot.

Rinse salt pork and add to pot. Add onion, chili or bell pepper, salt, bay leaves, and water.

Bring beans to a low boil, cover, and then simmer slowly, stirring occasionally until beans are the desired tenderness (tender but not splitting or falling apart), about 1 ½ to 2 hours. You may have to add more water periodically. The only downside, if you add too much is saucier beans…

Remove the chili/pepper and ham hock/salt pork. Unless the salt pork or ham hock is very meaty, discard it. If it is meaty and you actually like to eat it, you can cool it a bit and pull the meat off and shred it with a fork. Then add it back to the beans.

Make sofrito by sauteing the chili, onion, and garlic until soft.

Add the ground cumin and oregano and saute about a minute, until fragrant. Remove from heat.

Mash 1 cup of the beans with a fork or potato masher (or, alternately, lightly blend 1 cup of the beans and 1 cup of bean liquid in a blender). If you have a stick or immersion blender, use it now. Just stick it in and very briefly pulse 2-3 times. Careful, you can always do more later, but you can never bring the beans back if you do it too much.

Add mashed beans back to the rest of the beans in the pot (unless you used the immersion blender…)

Add sofrito to the bean pot.

Simmer beans, uncovered, another 20 to 30 minutes until thickened to the desired consistency.

Add lime juice and cilantro and stir.

In your world, you serve the beans over rice, if desired. In my world, I just eat them. Why waste calories on rice when there's a whole pot of beans?

The Rime of the Ancient Dieter

Food, food, everwhere, nor any reasonably sized serving to eat. -- The Rime of the Ancient Dieter

So, I ran out of food while I was out. I pull into a supermarket, rather than hit a fast food place.

I'm currently eating things like meat, eggs, nuts, cheese, and vegetables. I cruise through the store and realize that despite being surrounded by food, there's very little that I can just buy and eat without throwing out the leftovers.

Supermarkets really have no single sized servings of anything healthy. I can get a couple of veggies to eat. But, what am I going to do with the extra cheese or lunch meat?

I head to the deli counter. The salads are crap, in a purely delicious but unhealthful manner, of course. I can get a single serving of meat or cheese there. Even some hardboiled eggs from the salad bar, but as I add it all up in my head, I realize that this is saving me nothing. And, it's not really as tasty as the bunless Double Cheeseburger and side Caesar that I passed up at Wendy's.

So I head out, spot an In 'N Out Burger and hork down on two cheeseburgers, protein style, extra tomatoes, pickles, and grilled onions and a huge ass Diet Coke.

Articulated Bus

I loved this scene in Stranger Than Fiction.

It takes that awkward boy/girl meeting to a whole new level.





I thought it was amazing only to me, since when I talk about it, I just get a blank stare in return. But, if you google "articulated bus stranger than fiction," it seems that there are a lot of people that liked it.

Enjoy.

Man, they ruin everything...

Ever since I was a kid, I loved going to A&W. I remember how fun it was to have the food brought out to your car, with those little window trays, and root beer floats. Good stuff.

There aren't too many of the drive up ones around. I know there's one in Paso Robles. I make a point to stop there when I'm in that area, but that's pretty rare.

The last few months, I've noticed a sign for an A&W in my area. I was sure it wasn't going to be like the old ones, but one can hope for the best.

But, it gets built and opened up and I find that it's not only a normal looking fast food place with bright lights and a drive thru, it's also a combination KFC. That's nice, huh? Ruin my memories. Go ahead.

I understand the monetary reasons for doing these combination stores, but keep it to the places that I could care less about. There are enough Taco Bell/Pizza Huts around to cover the unrelated foods category without digging into my memories and ruining the nostalgia.

Enough!

This is pathetic! A million posts about love. One post about something else. It's about an ice tea despenser that pissed me off.

This must end.

When Does Like Become Love?

I was speaking to a friend at work about some girl he likes. I say loves. He says like. He's trying to move on, but he's having a tough time of it.

Not that it makes it any easier, but I point out that he already loves the girl. He says "no," that he could love her if _______. It doesn't even matter what you fill the blank in with, does it? How is it this not love already? He's kidding himself.

Part of the kidding of one's self might be some misguided concept about the purity of love. That love is some rational feeling that we come to after weighing the pros and cons and knowing what we are getting into.

But, I really think it's more of a defense mechanism. If he's not "in love" then he's not going to be "as hurt." Won't work. I've been not in love plenty of times. Hurt every time.

Either way, history and literature are full of examples of unfortunate encounters with love. Most fairy tales would not even exist without our hearts guiding us, rather than our minds.

I threw some slightly twisted fairy tale examples at him.

• The peasant girl would love The Prince, if only he wasn't The Prince.
• If only she wasn't a mermaid, Eric would love her.
• If only he wasn't The Beast...
• Looks like she's cursed to sleep forever, so I'll be moving on...

Come on, where's the romance? You don't choose who you love or set the rules for when you will.

One's own personality dictates who and when we love. Would we be better off if we could logically go up and down a list, or plug the numbers into a spreadsheet and get a solid answer? Who knows? On the surface, you'd think so. But, let's look at the process for a sec.

I think back to the girls that I've loved. I'll start with 2nd grade.

2nd grade girl was obviously more of a crush, but that crush was based on something. My class had a dozen girls, but I singled one out. I can't tell you why, but looking back at the class pic, she wasn't necessarily the cutest one, so it's looking like I started off less-than-shallow, at least.

However, in the middle of 2nd grade, I moved. I was pretty sad. For a day. New 2nd grade class, new love. Shallowness did prevail. She was the cutest and I have zero recollection that she even had a personality.

Jump to 3rd grade and I remember going for the brain, once again. But, she was also the cutest little sandbox companion. She not only brought her own magnet to school, but she also knew that it was iron ore that we were collecting from the sandbox with those magnets. Smart and pretty...

Fast forward to whenever and you realize that we are constantly leapfrogging from relationship to relationship, no matter how short, long, full, or one-sided they may be. Each hop leaves a footprint. Each hop, both consciously and subconsciously leaves us with an updated set of wants, wishes, and desires for the next Love Of Our Life.

When you meet him or her, the next potential Love, you can only hope that your head prevails earlier than your heart. It's the ones that hit so close to home that are the most troublesome and the most devastating.

I'm not sure that the spreadsheet would help. By the time you started plugging the numbers in, it's likely too late. And, if you had a spreadsheet to pick your True Love, it would have to be some sort of magical one. There's simply no way to break down all these variables into simple math formulas and values.

So, we're back to fairy tales. Using the fairy tale concept again, you'd need a spreadsheet of fairy tale magic. But, fairy tales are an old theme and spreadsheets are a modern one. And, unlike two lovers, the two concepts don't go hand in hand. Ever see a movie billed as a "modern day fairy tale?" Sucked, huh?

Anyhow, this blog just ends, with little in the way of resolution. My buddy needs to move on. The _______ may be insurmountable. Only he really knows. But moving on is what the spreadsheet says to do. But, we covered that, right? It's likely going to be the unfortunate fairy tale approach, instead. Unfortunately for him, not all fairy tales end with "happily ever after." Especially the modern day ones. They always suck.

Why Do They Even Make These?

Ice Tea Jar w/Spigot

Why do they even make these things? All they do is leak! Just who do they think they're kidding?

And, why do women keep buying them? Wishful thinking?

Big, Small, or Somewhere In Between - #5, Kiss

or The Greatest Moments In My Life

I like to spend time recollecting. That's mostly a euphemism for zoning out, but sometimes good memories come back.

Really, I spend a lot of that time thinking about some of the great times I've had. There have been some really good ones, some great ones, and some nice little moments.

Kiss

Before you continue reading, if you're a guy (or a mean girl) who's going to make fun of me for this one, go ahead and click on that little red x in the upper right corner of the window and go away!

More romance. Short and sweet, and very memorable to me. But it might come across as strange. I think it makes me look like a wuss. Like I might like chick flicks and romance and all that crap. But, I do. If you don't, then you probably already got bored with this guy's blog.

Before I start, I bring your attention to "way back when" sometime, when I wrote about some of my more memorable moments in life (Say Anything" Moments and Great Moments in Dating). I can't believe the one coming up didn't make it to my GMiD. Of all my "moments," it brings out the most intense emotion. It's hard to put into words, but I'm going to try.

then I did the simplest thing in the world.
I leaned down... and kissed him.
And the world cracked open.

-Agnes de Mille, b. 1905-

Three Roommates. Two of Which are Jealous Bastards (Thankfully)

In college, I roomed with three other guys in a two bedroom apartment. Two of these guys were part of the family/friends from Episode #2, Wedding.

At this point, it's the end of the girl's two weeks in town. She was going back to New Mexico the next day. Roland was on cloud nine and very sad.

We had spent a lot of time together. Disneyland was our first date. Her friends told me that I totally blew it by planning to take her there, but afterward she told me it was bold. Bold worked for me, I guess. It was a great, great day.

So, after two weeks of mostly me, her friends were feeling slighted. So, while I got lots of dates and practically that whole last day to myself, it was a little awkward to say our goodbyes at my own apartment and see her leave with one of my roomies and a couple of our other friends. But, there they went.

Roland is sad. Roland goes to bed.

I reiterate. I was sad. I went to bed.

My actual room mate (the one who shared my room and was not previously mentioned) worked late and always came in quietly. I remember the light from the doorway, just like always, and I fell back asleep, just like always.

Only it wasn't my roommate.

"Wake up a little," I heard whispered. It was pitch black.

I could feel her caressing my face as she whispered for me to wake up again.

She gently lay down on the bed next to me, sighing and nestling in. "I only have a minute. I told them I'd be right back down."

"What are you..." She shushed me with her finger.

"I left my jacket up here," she told me.

I could smell her hair. She turned to face me and then I could feel her kissing me so deeply and so tenderly. I found that she was laying on top of me, with her arms surrounding my head on the pillow. She sighed so deeply when she kissed me and I felt so enveloped by her. It was so dark and deep and everything felt complete or whole or full. That kiss. The touch. Her smell. Each was wonderful, but it adds up to so much more. It was such a short time, but it sometimes feels like it's still happening today.

Too soon, she stood up. I could sense her reaching down way under my bed and pull something out. Her jacket.

"Bye," she whispered as she stood to leave. I could see her red-brown hair in the light, as she opened the door. She had a quirky little smile on those lips.

"Hey!" I stopped her. "Kiss goodbye?"

She gave me a a cocky little huff and smiled as the corners. "Now, what did I just do?"

"You said bye..."

And, my God, she came back!

Mmmm... Another smile, another kiss, and one more of those sighs...

Ear To Hair Ratio (E:H)

There's really no doubt about it. I have big ears. I can only pray that those stories about ears growing forever aren't true...

Over the years, I've made piece with my ears. I've come along way from getting in fights because someone called me "Dumbo."





"Lots of people with big ears are famous." -- Timothy





But, I'll admit that I've become self-conscious about them, once again. It's because now I have less hair AND I want a date. The less hair, the more ears stand out. Do I really think that my ears will stop a girl from liking me? No. But, I still hate my ears.

I'm currently not bald, but I certainly have less hair up front than I'd like. I don't want to be one of those guys that people think is kidding himself, you know? If my ears were small, I might have shaved my head by now.

A few months back, I cut my hair VERY short. Go to work, and one of my coworkers makes a crack about my huge sails in front of everyone. Asswipe. I don't think he even thought it would hurt. But, a couple of days later he was kissing my ass, so someone must have clued him in.

So, while I wish my ears were smaller and I wish I had more hair, you play the cards you're dealt, right. Which way to go? Do I increase my E:H ratio or reduce it? Tough call.

I guess when it becomes "critical" I'll already know what to do. I can't be kidding myself about these ears. I can be about the hair. Lose the hair and flaunt the ears? Which peacock gets the babes anyway, right?

My saving grace was a realization that I only remembered my ears seeming smaller. Turns out that they've always looked immense. Check out the 1990 Roland.



Same ears, more hair. I don't think the ratio was doing much for me.




I don't think the girls were lining up because of the ears, but I did okay.

Saturday Beach Ramble

You'd think that the Sand Challenge AFTER the refeed would be good, but no. I felt a little queesy at one point. I recovered, though. Kicked a little ass, but not as much as the last time.

30 Minute Beach Cleanup was afterward. Justin (the boot camp leader) is behind that, too. The were tons of people. Picked up a lot of trash. I won nothing in the raffle.

Somewhere there are pictures of me with Miss Long Beach.

I told some girl, who's the local leader of a running group, that I'd show up for a 5 mile run, 6:30pm Monday. That won't go well. But, I have to run sometime, right. 10Ks don't train themselves...

The sun's out for a while, so I'm camped out on the beach. Veggin' out for a bit. But I am getting hungry. I don't care how healthy they say their food is, Wild Oats brought out a whole table of 'healthy foods' that I had to pass on. I'll let the other 30 Minute Cleanup people eat that crap (I did have an apple and trail mix with no added sweeteners, though. 30 minutes later, it's like I had nothing...)

If you haven't listened to the latest Fitcast, do so. Not that strength, size, and brains are mutually exclusive, but Dave Tate is a smart guy. I'd never heard him talk before. Common sense and funny, too. Everyone knows Berardi's smart, so blah blah blah.

I just caught up on all the fitcasts, and this random mode isn't cutting it for my music mp3s.

This is one good weekend. Started on Friday at around 3:30, with an early start to the weekend with a friend, one of the best workouts in a while, sleep that was solid, now a Saturday that's going great.

Ramble over.






Blogged via Blackberry, where backspacing is more trouble than it's worth. Please forgive any typos.

Refeed!

Two planned meals. I feel so guilty. Sooo good, though.

Spaghetti and meatballs
Apple (huge)
Brownie
Black and white cookie

Kashi Go Lean Crunch
Special K with dried strawberries
Milk
Yogurt
Steak

Bed

Sand Challenge in the morning. Woo hoo! I'm jazzed.

Apologies...

Well, one anyway.

Somehow, my comment moderation got turned on. I'm sure I did it. But, it didn't email me or anything, so the comments just sorta sat there until someone got all huffy that her comment didn't show up. Women...

It was fun to try to find out where the 20 or so comments went, since they were weeks old and the system here doesn't tell you which comment goes with which post.

So, my apologies to you all. It might not happen again.

My Stomach & Mind Conspire Against Me

The other day, my boss needed someone to take a drive to a remote account. I used to cover that area, so I put up my hand. I have fond memories of that area. So, I head on up to take care of business.

I get up there, and notice that the place is a pit. I guess it always has been. As I'm driving around, looking for the address, I notice restaurants, taco stands, and burger joints. They bring back fond memories. I love these places. I used to eat here a lot.

Suddenly, I'm painfully reminded about how my life used to revolve around food. I found such pleasure in eating. Good food, certainly. But, there's something to be said for the "Worlds' [sic] Best Pastrami" or a great burrito served in the same little joint that whips up burgers, teriyaki, and a good gyro. You know the place. There's one around every corner.

So, here I am, 75 miles from home, but now aware that I'm here because of a fond feeling that I wish I could have left behind. Permanently.

I find the address. But, before I head in, it's time to eat. All of these great food choices are calling me, but instead of the gyro that I smell, I grab a Diet Coke in a drive-thru and park in the shade. Instead of the gyro that I would love to eat, I grab a handful of raw veggies and some hard boiled eggs from my cooler.

It's not really that the gyro would be all that much tastier. I love eggs and vegetables. But, somehow there was a feeling of comfort associated with the old foods that is lacking in the new ones. I haven't fully worked it out yet, but I'd like to think I have a new outlook on food. That I no longer turn to food for comfort or stress relief.

Unfortunately, if I'm correct, these good foods will never be able to overpower the feelings associated with the old foods. I can live with that, I guess. Life is full of plenty of other things to be passionate about. Healthier things.

In a strange, almost ironic twist, I still have a passion for cooking great food. It's not the cooking or the eating of the food that does it for me. It's the enjoyment that others get from the food. Particularly when that other is a woman. It's a healthier and more satisfying passion, but when I think on it, I almost feel like a drug pusher. After all, my goal is to stimulate an emotional response in the person for whom I'm cooking. That was my whole issue. Gotta be good and cook healthy food, I suppose...

Shoe Box Boy

There's a guy at my gym who brings his gym shoes in their original box. Every time. Guy loves his shoes...

Naturally Thin? Hah!

Today, somebody gave me crap for being so lucky to be naturally thin.

He thinks I can eat anything I want. Oh, the beauty and ignorance of new friends.

Blogged via Blackberry, where backspacing is more trouble than it's worth. Please forgive any typos.

As Long As It's Black

I remember back when I didn't like coffee at all. I worked graveyard and struggled to stay awake. All around me, people drank coffee like it was water in the desert. I tried. I hated it. I kept drinking it. Bad stuff. Turns out it was just the crappy coffee that we bought at USC. Who knew? Once I got good coffee, things changed. Now, I love coffee.

Coffee, for me, falls into two distinct categories. Gourmet coffee and diner coffee.


Gourmet Coffee

Gourmet coffee is typically associated with places like Starbucks. Only I don't like Starbucks, with the exception of the Americano (espresso and water). Starbucks coffees are roasted too dark and taste burned and/or bitter to me. It's become something of a cliche to say you don't like Starbucks. I don't know what to tell you. I still drink it. I just wish there were more choices.


My favorite coffee house was Diedrich Coffee. Unfortunately, Diedrich closed up shop and sold off to Starbucks. They still sell wholesale, and I see their signs in some of my favorite restaurants. I was sad to lose Diedrich Coffee.





Next comes Peet's Coffee. Peet's has excellent coffee, but the locations aren't all that convenient for me. They never seem very comfortable, either. Small and not relaxing. I'm sure all the other coffee houses have french presses, too. But I only get them at Peet's.

It might be hard to make good espresso at home, but with a french press, your own grinder, and some quality fresh beans, the gourmet coffee experience is pretty easy to have at home.


Diner Coffee

Diner coffee is really nothing special. It's as much about the diner and the little white mug or cup, as anything.

I like sitting in a vinyl booth. I like sitting at the counter. A window seat on a pedestal table can be nice. A brightly lit, shiny surfaced diner, with waitresses who's uniforms probably haven't been updated in 20 years. Weird little aprons with the ticket pocket up front. I like that it's a small, heavy mug that keeps getting topped off. Or, just maybe, this place has a thick ceramic cup that thunks on the saucer more than it clinks. They don't ask if you want more, they just assume that you do. It's your responsibility to stop them when you've had enough.

Although the coffee served in this place is nondescript, it's distinctive in it's own way. It's not strong and not weak. It's never bitter, and through sheer volume, it's always fresh. It's made in a machine that drips coffee out quicker than you can imagine. It puts your home machine to shame and it's capable of making hundreds of pots a day. Forever.

I suppose that because of atmosphere trumping taste, this is the coffee that you just can't do at home. You can get the cups. You'd need the thick mug or heavy cup and saucer (available at a restaurant supply store for an amazingly low price or at Williams & Sonoma or Restoration Hardware for an amazingly high price). But, that's where it stops. No vinyl booth. No plastic covered tent menus. No funny aprons. Then there's the coffee.

You'd think that the coffee isn't that important, so long as it's not that gourmet stuff. We just need joe here, after all. But, for the life of me, I can't find a coffee that measures up to a halfway decent diner's cup. They are all too good or too bad. Too strong or too weak. I've tried, but other than conning a waitress out of a few foil packets for home, there's really no way, it seems, to get the coffee I need for home.

Maybe this is a good thing. After all, the experience is the kicker. Fond memories of something so basic and silly. Sitting alone or with a friend, sipping average coffee in an environment that is virtually the opposite of what most people want from their coffee experience.

Really, if a few friends want to go out for a cup of coffee, where do they head? Joe's Diner? The local Denny's? Or the Starbucks, just down the street?

One day, I will take a road trip. It will off the beaten path, where there might still be a non-chain diner or two. I'll stop here and there, and have breakfast several times a day. I'll drink a lot of coffee.

I'm just not sure how long it would take me to get not very far on this road trip. Once I sit down, that cup will keep getting filled. And, I can drink a lot of coffee.

Coffee Trivia (Cat Poop Coffee?)

While scouring the web for pics for the main coffee blog, I found this little gem on this site.

Cat Poop

Kopi Luak, or "cat shit" coffee, drives the Nipponeese wild. The Luak is a small cat-like creature that eats ripe coffee cherries right off the tree, digests the flesh but poops the beans out whole. Somehow the fermentation undergone in the animal's stomach makes the final cleaned and roasted coffee beans taste really really good. This stuff sells for $100 per pound and is woofed down by the gallon in places like Japan and Sumatra. These guys can quaf cat ka-ka all they like, fricking wierdos.

Yum!

Food Is Fuel. Continue The March

Food is fuel. Continue the march. -- Captain Dale Dye, USMC

I love food!

There are very few things in life that bring me as much simple joy as good food. I love to eat it. I love to cook it. I really love to cook it for other people (I like the attention...).

Of course, I also realize that I love food a little too much. Hence, the fat Roland of five years back. But, it's been a long journey since I was fat. I've changed a lot of bad habits. I eat less food -- I eat better food -- and I exercise more. I'm no longer fat.

Because of my job, I keep a cooler full of food in my car. For two years now, that cooler has called my name. Reminding me that it was filled with tasty food. Just sitting there, behind the passenger seat. Taunting me. I'd often have to force myself to wait until my next meal. Watching the clock, counting down the minutes until 3 hours was up.

One day, at the gym, I was listening to a podcast of Captain Dale Dye. He doesn't talk about food, health, or fitness. He talks about our troops. I don't know how it came up, but the subject of feeding the troops in the field came up. His brief statement, "Food is fuel. Continue the march," struck a cord with me. I actually stopped lifting to write it down.

Over the next day or two, I thought a lot about that simple statement. I'm sure the guys in Iraq enjoy good food when they get it. But, they have to make do with whatever rations they can get when they are on the march, patrol, or whatever. Likely, they know they have the food handy, but just eat when they need it. It's just their fuel.

At that point, I decided to make a few adjustments to my daily food plan. I'd stick with the good foods when I had the time to cook, sit, and eat. But, when I was on the run, I decided that simple fuel was in order.

Enter the SuperShake, a concoction concocted by John Berardi. A homemade meal replacement shake. Unfortunately, the only good ones are the ones hefty enough to eat when bulking or maintaining your weight. When you're trying to lose weight, they are either tiny and unsatisfying or gross.

Re-enter the Velocity Diet shakes. I did The Velocity Diet about a year and a half ago. The shakes aren't all that great. But, they aren't bad. They just are. I remembered my V-Diet experience and what it taught me. I can survive for 28 days with nothing tasty passing my lips.

For about a month, I'd eat breakfast and dinner, but load up the cooler with three V-Diet shakes for my day. It was nice and stress free, having nothing in the cooler to look forward to.

After a while, I decided to try to add some veggies into the shakes. Gross. Back to a quasi-SuperShake. When that didn't pan out, I started eating cut up veggies with my shake. But, what I really wanted was some sort of homemade bar of protein, nuts or seeds, and veggies. It couldn't taste too good, either.

"Soylent Green is people!" I heard the familiar movie line repeated on some late night comedy show one night. That was what I needed. Soylent Green, sans the unusual protein source. I'd made some zucchini bread and zucchini bars before. It wasn't much of a stretch to make some that weren't as tasty.

I started cooking and ended up with this:

Soylent Green Bars

8 scoops Cyto-Sport Pure Whey (Vanilla Bean)
6 large omega-3 eggs
3 packs Splenda (optional)
6 tbsp flax seed, ground
15oz zucchini, cut up (about three medium squash)
2 cups frozen spinach, thawed (use frozen, not fresh. trust me.)

6 servings

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Blend eggs, squash, and spinach until very well pureed. Stir in protein powder, Splenda and flaxseed meal. Mix well.

Spray a flat baking dish (I used a 10x7 inch pan) with cooking spray and pour it in.

Bake for about 35 minutes, until a knife blade comes out pretty clean. The very center may still be a little soft when a knife blade is inserted.

Cut into 12 bars.

2 Soylent Green Bars per serving.

Nutrition (per 2 bar serving): Calories 263, Fat 11g, Carb 7g, Fiber 3.5g, Protein 33g


That's the basic version. I've got some variations (a tasty Yellow and less than tasty Red), too.

A few batches of these gets me through my week with a lot less hassle than three shakes a day. The perfect fuel.

I feel a little funny eating these things. They look weird. I explained this all to a friend at work. He saw me eating one and asked "How's the Soylent Green?" I laughed and told him that that was what I called them. He asked why I didn't just buy protein bars. Three reasons. Most are crappy for you. They are expensive. They taste too good. If they taste good, I'll just want to eat more and more of them.

For the last month, these have been my daily staple. And, you know how we start to appreciate the simple tastes of healthier food, over time? I'm afraid I'm really starting to like these bars. I've already dropped the Splenda from the recipe. The spinach is a recent add. Neither change altered the taste much. These bars are starting to be too good. How will I make them worse than they already should be? If these bars start calling to me, I'm in trouble.

Hope For The Future

It's heard all the time: the world is doomed because our children can't be trusted to lead us into (or in) the future. I'm sure this has been a popular sentiment since the Dawn of Man.

I don't have anything deep and meaningful to say, specifically, on the subject, only to say that I don't agree.

I don't really know that many "kids" other than my own. They're 9 and 10, and it's a little soon to imagine them running anything.

I interact a bit with younger people at some local coffee houses. They might be rowdy in groups, but when they actually talk to me, the same ones aren't bad. The younger gym set is about the same. Not too bad.

Over on the JPFitness forums, I've gotten to know a few of the next generation. I'd count several as friends, even. Three, in particular, have really impressed me.

One is an Eagle Scout, athlete, church goer, excellent student, etc. The guy's so busy that he really has all the room in the world to complain. He doesn't. He talks about how busy he is, then gets it all done. I wish he lived on my street so my son and I could get to know him. He's someone I could point to as a teenager with great character and strength of will. It's hard to imagine him not doing anything he wants to do in life.

Two is simply a genius (or close to it, at least). While anyone can be quick witted with a good fart joke, this girl's mind spins a more sophisticated joke faster than I can head off. And, when you think it's done, it comes around to get you from behind. It's unlikely that a good laugh will keep the world on an even keel, but it can't hurt. What really strikes me is the dedication. Again, she's busy enough that many would give up, but she hasn't. When I talk to her, her character shines right through, plain as day. I don't really know what she wants to do with her life, but she knows what she wants out of life. That's far more important, I think.

Three, I've actually met. He thinks people don't take him seriously because he's a goofball. But, we can see through that. When we met, he walked up to me, offered his hand, and introduced himself. I don't know if he could tell I was nervous to meet new people or if that's just him. Either way, a young man that takes the initiative in those situations will take the initiative in many more. He's worried because he doesn't know exactly what he wants to do. But, what he doesn't see is that he's still doing all the right things. Most people who don't know, just wait and do nothing. Analysis paralysis. I don't see that happening here. Nothing to worry about. I have to mention this guy's character, too. He does the right thing for others, even when it benefits himself less. I'm not a believer in karma, but I do believe that others see you, your character, and your actions, and give back when they can. That's better than karma in my book.

I'm sure these three aren't the only ones with this much going for them. I'm hoping they are like roaches: Where there's one, there's a thousand!

The Face

At the beach, there was an old concrete structure. Whatever it used to be, now it's just a ruin.

Someone had painted green faces on them.

These faces creep my daughter out, but they intrigue me.

Easter Pics

Allie gets her share.













Help for Evan.

















Counting the take.






The beach was where the fun was.

All in all, a great Easter weekend at my sister's. Santa Barbara was beautiful. Despite the gloomy pics, the weather was nice by each afternoon. We got to eat lunches and Easter Dinner outside on the patio, even.

Note

I have laryngitis.

Easter Weekend

Easter

I've got my kids for a long weekend. Four days, then back to work. It's been nice having them around. Next weekend, it'll be three weekends in a row.

Driving up to Santa Barbara tomorrow morning to spend the weekend at my Sister's place. This is my first attempt at actually spending time with my family again.

I even charged up the batteries for the camera so I can attempt a few snapshots. I'm not good with that stuff.


Work

Work has been crazy. It's been hard to keep my head on straight. Everyday, I get pulled in so many different directions. Which customer do I leave in the lurch? Decisions, decisions?


Gym

No workout today. I won't be hitting the gym until Tuesday night, either. I can probably do with the break on the heavier weights. But, I really like to workout.

On Tuesday night, I'm planning to try the 300 workout again. I'll do the whole thing and see what time I end up with. I predict a poor showing. My biggest concern is the floor wipers. The last time I attempted them, I got cramps in my hamstrings when I went left.

I'm trying to stay calm

Deep Breath

It's all good. Nothing bad.

I'm excited to be getting lean. I've been somewhat lean before, but I actually had to buy a new belt. A smaller one. Then, two weeks later, I moved it down a notch.

It's hard not to be excited. Is that a light at the end of the tunnel? Steady progress. Past the points of the past attempts.

This time, I told myself that I wasn't going to give up when I saw a stall in progress. Not flip out and change my plans in frustration. In the past, I'd approach leanness and suddenly nothing happened anymore. No fat loss. No weight loss. So, I turn to gaining muscle for a while, which of course adds some fat back on.

While that did end my frustration on the short term, it does nothing for the long term satisfaction. I'm never lean. Always a bit too flabby with the shirt off.

It's particularly frustrating to see my face get leaner and leaner, my arms show more veins and muscle, while the "loose" area around the waist stayed put. You can't tell with a shirt on, but shirt off, it's another story.

This time, it feels different. Long haul!



Mom

It's very strange. I never really miss my Mother.

For most of my adolescent and adult life, my Step-Mother was my Mom. Only I didn't realize it at the time.

She was quietly supportive and always loving. She was completely accepting of me. I can't pick out ANY moment when I felt less a son that her natural sons. I didn't even live there, but I still got the full son treatment.

I've always called my Step-Brothers my Brothers. I think it's safe to say that my Step-Mom is the reason why. When you're part of the family, you are just family.

The only time I really think about my natural Mother is when I consider my journey away from fatness. She was diabetic since she was 20, and she was meticulous about her diet and always stayed pretty trim. I'm sure it was really hard on her to have a chubby son. I know she tried a lot of things to encourage me to lose weight.

Coincidentally, after she moved away to Montana, I lost the weight. Of course my first time getting fit, it was almost accidental. I played so much racquetball and rode my bikes so much that it was hard to be fat. Of course, since my diet never changed (the loser at racquetball had to buy the burgers and fries), I gained it back once I was injured.

By the time she was dying and I went to visit, I was no longer thin. She died and I lost the weight again. This time, on purpose. Good nutrition and exercise.

So, sometimes, when I see myself in the mirror, I wish that she could see me. I don't think it wouldn't have changed anything. She didn't treat me badly or anything. She loved me a lot. She was just always angry and whacko, and that made it hard to really love her back. Still, I'd like to show off a little. I know she'd be relieved.

I don't know where I'm really going with this. I have no ending.

hungry

very

there's a certain satisfaction in it. it fits with the goal.

find your hunger and feel it. use it to get what you want.

if you're not hungry for it, it's not worth having.

Big, Small, or Somewhere In Between - #4, Fresh Meat

or The Greatest Moments In My Life

I like to spend time recollecting. That's mostly a euphemism for zoning out, but sometimes good memories come back.

Really, I spend a lot of that time thinking about some of the great times I've had. There have been some really good ones, some great ones, and some nice little moments.


Fresh Meat

As the JPFitness Summit approaches, I'm reminded me of my first trip to Arkansas, back in '89 or '90...

My friend and I had been driving all day and we needed to stop and stretch our legs. Maybe get some food and a beer. We pull off at a local little town and head to a little bar/restaurant that looks okay.

We go in and are greeted by a couple of homely women with friendly calls of "Hi boys!" Things like that. I head to the restroom, while my friend goes to a table. When I come out of the bathroom, I notice a small crowd around my friend and head over. It's pretty loud over there, and the look on his face is a cross between laughter and horror. Our eyes meet, which tells the crowd, which is all homely ladies, that I'm back. They turn, and with calls of "Fresh Meat! Fresh Meat!" head my way.

Suddenly, I'm surrounded by a herd of these women, frantically grabbing my crotch and ass, hooting and hollering "Fresh Meat! Fresh Meat!" Screeching, if you will.

Somehow, we get to the door, smiling and laughing our way to safety, back to back, all while we're being pressed, grabbed, and groped. "Fresh Meat! Fresh Meat!"

We break for the truck, but the women stay at the door, calling us back. However temping, we leave, not stopping until we are out of state.

Luckily, my last trip to Arkansas was slightly more pleasant, although equally memorable.

It's Saturday

1:00pm

A good workout yesterday, but overall, a crappy day. I slept in a bit, but I still have zero patience today.

My son's going through this phase where he asks me a question and then figures out how to make my answer not exactly right. I'm ready to wring his neck.

While he's watching Animal Planet, he asks me if I've ever seen a white wolf. I say yes. He says "In real life? Where?" He just phrases them in a way so there's no way I can answer the right way. If I'd say "no," he'd say. "Duh. There was one on that show we watched last Saturday."

I'm having trouble staying patient with him. He'll ask me the same question over and over again.

11:30pm

The day got better. Although I had a period of overeating crap. We made cupcakes. There was a whole debate about which is better, cookies or cupcakes. Well, cookies blow. Cupcakes rule.

Kids in bed. Watching Freaks and Geeks. Having some coffee.

Big, Small, or Somewhere In Between - #3, 2nd Date

or The Greatest Moments In My Life

I like to spend time recollecting. That's mostly a euphemism for zoning out, but sometimes good memories come back.

Really, I spend a lot of that time thinking about some of the great times I've had. There have been some really good ones, some great ones, and some nice little moments.


A Passion for... cooking?

I've always had good second dates (My problem is date #1, right?). It was good for the girl, too, or so the girls have told me.

The key is to do some cooking.

I don't know how well it will work, going forward, but when I was 20-25, it was quite impressive to be the guy that cooked.

I have quite a book of recipes that I've come up with. When I look back through them, the best ones were always ones perfected with a girl in mind. Not "Rhonda inspires the flavors of this meatloaf" type of "in mind." But, when I'm planning the meal, planning the dishes, and cooking, the passion to impress drives the level up a notch or two. These dishes stand up, I think, even today.

I love to be creative, but I'm best under pressure. I do my homework at the last minute, I cook best when I'm inspired and have to shine, and I decorate best when I know someone's coming over.

Is this a cry for help? A sign of low self esteem to seek approval for the "perfect" meal or setting? Yes. But, I do need the help, and I'll gladly accept it. Just finish your dinner first, babe.


2nd Date

On the first date, the girl asked me when I was going to cook dinner for her. She seemed skeptical. Lots of guys claim to be able to cook (She'd eaten that food before, too).

"What do you want me to make?"

"Chinese?"

"How about Saturday?"

"Um... Really?"

"Of course."

(First Date Over)

I planned it out. 2nd date. Dinner. White chicken salad and peanut sauce. Tea. Paper wrapped chicken with mushrooms. Fruit. Wine.

But, my table was all wrong. I needed one of those low tables. Asian inspired. I already had some floor pillows.

So, on Saturday morning, I sold my wrong table to my neighbor (he had no furniture) for $30 and some pillar candles. I used the money to buy wood to make a new table.

Finger foods, chopstick lessons, a low table with pillows, candles, wine, and a third date.

I need to write all this down, in case of another first date...

Tuesday Throwaways

Weigh Cool Tip

Three high schoolers are in the locker room. I see them all the time. They go up to the scale, take off their shoes and weigh themselves.

An older guy, maybe 25 or so, sees these guys and says "weigh yourselves with shoes and without, then you don't have to keep taking off your shoes."

"You mean every time?"

"No, just once."

Blank stares.

"That way you know how much the shoes weigh. Take it off your weight," older guy says.

Blank stares. Nods. "Cool."

Older guy leaves and the boys start rolling their eyes and mocking the guy.

"Who the fuck wants to know how much their shoes weigh?" + "What are they going be different every time?" + "Moron."

Classic.


Zorries, Shades, and Mesh Shirts

I saw them all, tonight.

• The staff gets ticked if you try to deadlift barefoot, but flip flops are cool?
• Why would you wear sunglasses in the gym? You're that awesome, huh?
• And, why do mesh shirts even exist?

Born Free

A girl at the coffee house is around 20 years old. She's behind the counter, singing "Born Free." It was cute.

Born free
As free as the wind blows.
As free as the grass grows.
Born free to follow your heart

Of course, she didn't even know there was a movie. Too young. How does she know the song?

A Smiley Not Required

Recently a couple of my friends have asked me what qualities I want in a woman. I don’t remember exactly what I answered. I’m sure I wrote some flippant answer meant to make me sound both deep and shallow at the same time.

“She must make me laugh, be intelligent, morally sound, and have good boobs.”

Looks like something I would have written about my perfect woman’s qualities. Only when writing it, I would have had to punctuate it with one of those little smileys to indicate that I’m only kidding about two of them. ;)

So, what do I really want in a woman?

"I want a woman that does not require a smiley."

It's really that simple.

I'll net it out. When I joke, I want her to know that I'm joking. Not assume. Not think. Know.

She'd better fight right back, too!

I'm the boy that likes you so much he pulls your pigtails. (I need the girl to pinch me back.)

It sounds juvenile, perhaps. But, there you go. I know myself, at least to this degree.

So I have a litmus test now? I do. Unfortunately, it took me until age 39 to realize that I have the same standards that I did in second grade.

There have been too many times when I've compromised and just tried to tone myself down. There's certainly a time and a place to be serious. But, the second date isn't it.

I've often been asked what type of guy I am. A boob guy, ass man, legs? I like 'em all, I suppose. You can add a beautiful face or great lips, eyes of any color, as long as they smile and shine with a bit of fire. But, honestly, she'd better be a bit spunky and fun. The rest will fall into place.

I've felt better...

Woke up with my neck glands aching. Crap.

This has never happened without having a bad cold, first. Crap.

I'm a little gurgly, too. Crap.

I just feel weird. Not awful, weird. This is uncharted territory for me.

Drive Needed

I love to drive, which is good, considering the area I cover for work (Coastal Southern California).

But, I really want to drive somewhere good. LA to San Diego is fine, but I need a destination destination, you know?

Last year, about this time, it was Little Rock, Arkansas.

It was a beautiful drive to the JPFitness Summit '06, with an overnight stop in Albuquerque with my brother and his family.

I planned to do it again this year, too. Not to be. And, I'm very sad. People are coming in from all over the world. This might have been my only chance to meet some of them.

I hope to go next year. Planning on it. I'll just have to convince all these people coming from around the world to come again...

Back to me. It's all about me, after all. In May, I've got the 10k up in the mountains.

I'm really looking forward to that trip. So much so that I've even been running(4.5 miles,yesterday).

This might be it for a while. With a couple of short jaunts, here and there. My sister's place in Santa Barbara, maybe my brother's in Albuquerque.

Here. My list.

• I can't wait to leave and get on that road.I miss the long roads with little traffic.
• I absolutely love Rest Stops.
• I love pulling into little towns, driving to the place where the non-travellers go, and spending a couple of hours with some lunch or a cup of coffee.
• I love the idea of the "View Point" or "Picture Spot" along the highway, despite the fact that I can rarely see what I'm supposed to look at or for.
• I love that, no matter where you go, people think it's funny to put a red sticker on the deer's nose on those signs. Where do you even get a red sticker?
• I love that in other states, the signs still read "Slow Children."
• When we're driving, there's really no place to pee behind a tree in Southern California.
• No matter how lame the content is, finding an AM station in the boonies, is still satisfying.
• I hate to leave my final stop, but I love to get home.
  

This stuff is from thursday

Gym -- That smelly guy was back at the gym again. How can he not know?

Fat Loss -- I feel small. Granted, I can see all sorts of muscle details that have never existed before, but I feel small. I liked the idea of 200lbs. 195 still had a nice ring to it. 185 is sounding small... It's feeling small.

One of my customers asked if I was losing weight. Must be the face, I think. My face looks thinner. Last weekend, I let my face go scruffy. That was my strategy when everyone said I looked too thin (a few years back). It worked, too. Shut them right up. This time, I looked scruffy and thin.

All complaining aside, I can see an end to the fat loss. Shit. Those love handly things. Gone! No abs, but my waste is smaller than ever before.

I don't know how long it will take. I'm going for this. No giving up. If I hit a plateau, I'll fix it. I might take a break, but I WILL NOT BREAK!

Blog -- Until yesterday, I'd never shared the existance of this blog with any of my family or pre-separation-from-wife friends (Hi, Dean!). In fact, one of my family did ask if I blogged. I didn't say "no," but, I did say "about what?" ...and shrugged. They may have mistaken that for a "no." Not my fault...

Eyes -- I need to get some glasses, I think. At night, my eyes seem tired. I have to lower the resolution on my screen to read what I'm writing. Luckily, my laptop does it with the push of a button. Glasses would be better.

Big, Small, or Somewhere In Between - #2, Wedding

or The Greatest Moments In My Life

I like to spend time recollecting. That's mostly a euphemism for zoning out, but sometimes good memories come back.

Really, I spend a lot of that time thinking about some of the great times I've had. There have been some really good ones, some great ones, and some nice little moments.


Wedding

Yes, in #2, I go for a little romance. I wasn't always totally lame... Or, should it be "I wasn't always totally lame?" Hard to choose.

Also, I must apologize in advance for the complicated sentence structure. I believe it is grammatically correct, but if a sentence needs to be read very slowly so you can even understand it, it should be rewritten. Yet, I'm not going to. Perhaps for the screenplay...

I look at this event as an example of what can happen when you man up and do what you need to do. See girl. Do something about it. Get girl.

Background

I met a girl at my friend's Wedding. The friend, herself, will not really appear in the story, as she is not important to the story. But, we have to start somewhere because you didn't know me back then, did you?

My friend was a just one of a large group of friends. I was, relatively speaking, new to the group. They had all grown up on the same street, gone to the same schools, and now a good percentage worked at Farrell's Ice Cream Parlour, where I also worked.

They were a huge, extended family, which, ironically for teens, even included their parents, in addition to many other friends.

They were a great group of people and I loved being around them. After a few months, I felt like I'd known them forever. We did virtually everything together. I soon became best friends with one of them. Paul.

Paul and I even drove across country, on a whim, to New Orleans! We took turns zig-zagging between his friends and my family, state by state, as we drove across the country. It was weird and spontaneous. We didn't even tell people we were coming. We just called them a few hours before we were going to arrive in their city. Sometimes people weren't home and we just kept going. New Orleans was cool. We decided to drive on to the East Coast of Florida so we could say we went from the Pacific to the Atlantic and back.

It was right after this trip that I went to the wedding. We really had to drive back fast to get back in time for the wedding. But, we cruised in late Friday, bought some awesome plaid Buddy Holly jackets and went home to rest up for the wedding.

These people are so nice. I got home to find an invite to the rehearsal dinner! Score for me!

I got dressed and headed over. Unfortunately, there was no one new amongst the bridesmaids. All four were known factors. But, it was a great time, nonetheless.

Wedding Day

I love weddings.

First, I believe in them.

Second, I'm not so shy at weddings. Everyone goes around introducing themselves and asking how you know everyone else. It's easy for me.

Thirdly, I can dance at a wedding and not be embarrassed. I'm not much in the grace department. But, I don't really care at a wedding. Kids, oldsters, and everyone in between is dancing. There's always someone worse than me.

So, here I am at a huge and beautiful wedding, attended by all my friends. Couldn't ask for more.

The wedding itself was a Catholic one. I was bored. However, I now counted five bridesmaids.

That Godlight Stuff

The clouds part and in in my mind's eye, visible beams of light shine down on number five. Reddish brown hair and those perfect lips that only appear in drawings.

I really don't dare ask who she is, considering I'm sitting with a group of fathers who's daughters and sons are doing wedding tasks. She could very well belong to one of them.

In case you haven't figured this out, part of my shyness dictates that I hold all feelings of attraction to girls close to the vest, lest I be embarrassed by not doing anything about it. So, mums the word all the way to the reception, where I try not to stare too much until dinner is over.

Dancing begins, and in a manner most unlike me, I walk up to her and say "I don't know half the people here. Who are you?"

We talked for a bit. She complained about how she hated weddings. Yet she looked absolutely beautiful in her typical, taffeta bridesmaid dress (peach, if memory serves). She was going to school in Albuquerque and had just arrived that morning, hence the surprise bridesmaid's sudden appearance.

We danced a bit and talked a bit more before she headed off for the bouquet toss and other bridesmaidy things.

The wedding wound down, but before it did, I started to get all sorts of strange comments from my friends as I asked about her. Apparently, this girl was unattainable. Out of my reach. Out of everyone's reach. Yet, how could this girl have never been even brought up in conversation? They all worshipped her. All the guys were in love and the girls acted like she was the girl to be, yet strangely not a threat to them. They all worshipped her.

Just so we're perfectly clear... She was beautiful, brilliant, artistic, funny, and sharp witted. Plus, she was willing and capable of putting up with and throwing back all of the ribbing that I could dish out. She would even backhand you in the stomach or give you a good punch when you gave her the business. Gotta love that. She also said my name in an unusually deliberate and spunky way. Ro Land. Mmmm... Not that I worshipped her, mind you...

Oh yeah. Wedding winds down. Back to that.

We are all gathered around a table and just hanging out. In the second or third un-Roland-like move, I actually gesture her to the seat next to me. This requires that she get up from her seat and come over to me. She does, and sits down.

I remember that I had to do it quick. Like a band-aid. The friends were suspicious. Someone would try to put a stop to this now that they were on to me.

Paul is looking at us with a queer look. Like a controlled panic. I had started to suspect something. Suddenly, stupid Roland has a realization. On our trip, there was a girl in New Mexico who didn't answer her phone. The mysterious ex-girlfriend of another friend/roommate/wedding guest!  This must be her! Thank God Paul's girlfriend is there to slow him down. He can't exactly rush over. But, if he actually gets to me and shares the info, this thing is over before it starts. (Seems like a lot, but in reality, this was all over in a split second.)

Then, comes perhaps the lamest "ask out" ever.

"I know you're leaving in two weeks, but I was wondering what your answer would be if I asked if you'd go out with me." (See? It wasn't even a question!) In retrospect, I must have been red faced when I asked it, too.

She smiled so sweetly, but in a way that I can't really describe with justice, and leaned down onto my chest, resting her head on me and relaxing. Totally. She even sighed and settled in.

She sort of half looked up at me, nodding. "Where are we going?"

I still can't believe it.

Big, Small, or Somewhere In Between - Not Ready

This isn't really a blog post, it's a holding spot for the message below. If you're here, it's because you clicked on something I wasn't ready to post. I'm sure there's a better way, but I'm too lazy to think of one. This works fine. Plus, you get the hidden message below...

Although I really enjoy daydreaming about the past, you've gotta admit that daydreaming about the future is better. However, I'm not going to write about my little daydreams and fantasies. You'll just have to wonder.

When I have something new, and it's in the immediate past, I hope it will he good enough to write about. I have high hopes.

I've met some great people in the past month or so that have given me new hope and a new drive. To them, I say "thank you." I say it here, where they are unlikely to see it, but I hope to also give my thanks in person someday.

Until then, reader, you'll just have to wait...


Inigo Montoya: But, I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.
Man in Black: That's VERY comforting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
Inigo Montoya: I hate waiting.

Big, Small, or Somewhere In Between - #1, Childbirth

or The Greatest Moments In My Life

I like to spend time recollecting. That's mostly a euphemism for zoning out, but sometimes good memories come back.

Really, I spend a lot of that time thinking about some of the great times I've had. There have been some really good ones, some great ones, and some nice little moments.


Childbirth Is Hard On Men, Too!

Yes, in #1, I go for the obvious. I give to you the birth of a child. In this case, my daughter Allie.

Yeah, yeah. So obvious, right? But, what you might not know is that somewhere along the line, I breathed (or not breathed) my way into passing out. That's my explanation, anyway...

Okay. I really have no recollection of the fainting, itself. I do remember the free orange juice (That's right! No charge, baby!) that I got as they slowly helped me to a semi-reclined position.

I remember that strange feeling of coming back through what looked like a tunnel, looking at the concerned and strangely smiling faces of some ladies that I didn't really know.

As I recovered, I realized what was going on and looked up to see my new daughter being carried over to her little table to be cleaned up.

They helped me into a pretty comfy lazy boy.

The nurse turned from my daughter to me and asked if I'd like to cut the cord.

I smiled and sipped my free OJ. "God no."

FItness Platitudes

Platitude
Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A platitude is a trite, meaningless, or prosaic statement that is presented as if it were significant and original. The word derives from plat, the French word for "flat". Whether any given statement is considered to have meaning or not is highly subjective, so platitude is often — but not always — used as a pejorative term to describe seemingly profound statements that a certain person views as unoriginal or shallow.

There are some terms that I just don't care for. Here are some annoying terms related to fitness. Enjoy...

Move

As in "you just need to move" or "Just move." Often said by experienced fitness folk to or about relatively sedentary people.

Why is this bad? Because it's demeaning to the relatively sedentary person. It's trite and belittling. It's goal is to make that person just get up and move around. A good goal, sure. But if your words have the effect of demoralizing that person, they've backfired. "Just move" is tantamount to saying "get off your lazy butt" or to someone who overeats, "stop eating like a pig."

What can you say, instead? Well, you could say move around more. You could say to make an effort not to sit. There are plenty of ways to gently encourage people to get more time on their feet. "Move" isn't one of them.



Diet

As in "You shouldn't say you are on a diet."

At least this one isn't demeaning. It's just unnecessarily confusing.

Human civilization has been built around our use of language. Words are all we have. If we randomly change the meaning of words*, we end up in linguistic anarchy.

On a worldly scale, this lack of understanding can only lead to war, death, and the ultimate destruction of mankind. On a more personal scale, it leads to people saying "what?" whenever you tell them that you're not on a diet, that you've changed your lifestyle.

Go ahead and change your lifestyle and don't think of it as a diet. But, if you're trying to lose weight and your friend asks if you're on a diet, the answer is "yes." Feel free to follow up with "And, I'm never going back!"

Likewise, if your friend tells you he's on a diet, say "great!" Then consider asking him how he plans to keep it off.

* Yes, I understand that the dictionary definition of "diet" means something like "the sum of the food consumed by an organism". But, that's just not what people mean when they say they are "on a diet." We can't go back in time and change it back to the dictionary meaning. So, until then, we got what we got.

Does each food that you eat need to be 'balanced?"

Updated. Originally Posted - 12/2/06

Just a little rant...

Smart Balance Buttery Spread was on sale at the store, today. This stuff ticks me off. Our diets are simply filled with Omega-6 oils. Tons of it.

They mean well. I agree with the company, that we need to balance out our Omega-3 and Omega-6s. So, why would soybean oil be the number one ingredient?

Soybean oil is a huge source of Omega-6 fats. It's pretty low in the Omega-3s. Sure, some of the other ingredients are oils designed to bring things into balance, but considering that the average American's day was spent eating soybean and corn oils already, it's ridiculous to start with yet another base of Omega-6 fats.

All eating Smart Balance Spread does is dilute things by adding more bad and stirring some good in for "good measure." To me, this seems like trying to put out a fire with gasoline, but stirring some water in. Obviously, we need water to put out the fire, right?

Our overall diet needs to be close in it's Omega-3 to Omega-6 balance. Each food does not have to be balanced.

Instead of Smart Balance, go with butter. Saturated fat is not that bad for you unless you're a sugar, processed starch, and junk food junkie.

If you prefer a margarine (as I once did) give Canola Harvest or Canola Harvest with Flaxseed Oil a shot. It tastes like the margarine I grew up with. *

There are several varieties of Canola oil spreads at the supermarket. Some were just as sketchy as normal margarine. None of the Canola Harvest versions at my stores have hydrogenated oils, but buyer beware, since their web site says that they do make some with it...

Update.

I'd like to add products like Best Foods Light Mayonnaise to this list. I just saw this today. Big sticker on top that says "Excellent Source of Omega 3 (ALA) 20% of the Daily Value of ALA (1300mg)"

Based on my whole Omega-3 to 6 balance concept, this is absolutely ridiculous. The #2 ingredient on the list is soybean oil (water is #1). You can eat more and more of this stuff to "get your Omega-3s," but for every 300mg of 3s, you get 2300mg of 6s, sending you farther away from balance.

Yes, we have a problem with not getting enough Omega-3 in our diets, but I think the bigger issue is how do we reduce the intake of Omega-6s. This mayo isn't the way. Not by a long shot.

* Note. Canola Harvest products are getting harder and harder to find. I've switched back to butter and I'm loving it. My favorite is Country Crock spreadable butter with a touch of canola oil to keep it soft. I won't touch regular Country Crock hydrogenated soybean oil spreads with a ten foot pole, but this stuff is good.

Random Tuesday

Stench

How can you let yourself stink? Come on. A mild stench can sneak up on us all. But, a major stench that makes people leave the area is way over the top. You know it when you have it. Don't act like you don't smell.

Also, you make the rest of us think we might smell, too. Watch when Stinky is working out in the area. All the other guys have their arms noticeably pinned to their sides, just in case.


Locker Room, Chat Room, Rubber Room

I'm going into the shower, but it sounded pretty crazy in there. Guys laughing and joking. I waited a bit, but when no one finished and came out, I went in.

The conversation stopped when I went in. It was just one guy...


Bein' Squirrelly

Just don't be.

Be deliberate. Definative. Strong. Know where you are going. If you don't know what your next move is, get out of the way and pretend to rest or gather your thoughts. Please stop meandering between the dumbbell racks and the benches when the rest of us do know what our next step is.


Hush

For nostalgic purposes, I bought some Deep Purple. Got Hush going through my head all day.

Hush, hush, I thought I heard her calling my name now
Hush, hush, She broke my heart but I love her just the same now
Hush, hush, Thought I heard her calling my name now
Hush, hush, I need her loving and I'm not to blame now


That is all.

Lizard On A Hot Rock

There's really nothing like lunch, then a nap in the sun, is there?